Another dumb criminal roundup

I’ve often sung the praises of New Hampshire, but in all candor we’re not perfect. We have our problems. It’s just being surrounded by Maineiacs, Hosers, Vermonsters, and Massholes (especially the Massholes) makes our own problems look so much less in comparison.

For example, we have crime problems, too. It’s just that we tend to be a smidgen less tolerant about it. Let’s look at two stories, ripped from today’s paper.

First up, we have a Nashua, NH city employee who apparently thought she was on to a good racket. She worked at the landfill, selling permits for five bucks a pop. But she allegedly didn’t turn in all the money she took in. Officials did an audit, and estimate she may have helped herself to about ten grand of city money. She’s looking at up to 15 years in jail.

Then, in Manchester, we see that your typical New Hampshirite just isn’t ready to be a victim. Not even when it’s 3:30 in the morning, and the New Hampshirite is a naked, half-asleep 61-year-old man. Ron “Whitey Leblanc was asleep with his wife when he thought he heard an intruder. He didn’t bother with calling the cops, getting a weapon, or even putting on his pants; he caught the intruder in his kitchen, tackled him, and wrestled him into a headlock. The burglar dropped his loot and broke free, then fled.

After the scuffle, Whitey looked at the dropped loot: kitchen knives. He’d tackled an armed intruder in his birthday suit — and won.

Police later caught the guy, and the evidence against him is pretty solid. For one, the intruder dropped a set of keys in Whitey’s kitchen. The keys fit a Jeep parked nearby, registered to the suspect, one 23-year-old Joseph Reynolds. I strongly suspect a healthy portion of Mr. Reynolds’ punishment will be the teasing and abuse about getting his ass kicked by a naked 61-year-old man.

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5 Comments

  1. Eneils Bailey February 24, 2006
  2. Bat One February 24, 2006
  3. Ms. B February 24, 2006
  4. Falze February 24, 2006
  5. Bruce February 24, 2006