In Belmont, New Hampshire, David Moore decided he’d had enough of his life, and it was time to end it. And he concocted an elaborate plan to commit suicide, planning his death in the most spectacular fashion he could — involving a homemade guillotine and converting his home into a funeral pyre that would do a Viking warlord proud.
Fortunately for his neighbors, it didn’t go quite as planned.
Perhaps Mr. Moore could have been helped in time before he took his own life. Perhaps not. Regardless, I am relieved that his grandiose plan fizzled.
So uhhhh….how does one “stagger from a guillotine”???. What a putz.
The human neck is a lot stronger than the average person would consider. Even back when decapitation by executioner was a common punishment, it wasn’t unusual for someone to take two or three swings from an axe, or several slices from a sword, to completely kill.
Nevermind what problems you could cause if you tried to replace a thin and heavy razor with a goddamn saw blade.
I do like this one quote, though :
“Parsons said the call is the oddest he has experienced in his 17 years on the bomb squad. He saw nothing to indicate the death was suspicious.”
So the blade wasn’t heavy enough. Sounds like a less-dramatic version of the “stunt suicide” that happened at the beginning of one of the Dirk Gently novels. Anyone remember that?
Perhaps he should have done a bit more guillotine research before embarking on his quest. Of course that’s asking a lot of the suicidal, so who’s the crazy one here? 😉
That’s why traditionally people facing execution *paid* the executioner prior to dying. So he’d have an incentive to do the job right.
As for the Viking death, now that’s interesting. I wonder how pissed off the New Jersey state government would be if I had a traditional Viking funeral at sea in Raritan Bay?
And I wonder if Raritan Bay would light on fire like Lake Erie once did?
This is why I’ve put it into the hands of my family to carry out my will.
My remains (after I die of natural causes) are to be loaded into my plane and then exploded over Lake Michigan.
They are not too thrilled about the idea.
But, I got my brother drunk and made him promise to do it.
Jay, if you are still blogging in about thirty years, I’d appreciate it if you would blog it here.
“Wizbang reader goes out in a BANG!”