Man, there were a LOT of good entries in this special weekday contest. I spent two hours judging it last night, and couldn’t get the 119 entries down below 30. After sleeping on it and spending another 90 minutes, I can finally announce the winners:
Bullwinkle — “As soon as they saw the moonbat symbol beamed onto the clouds overhead the three immediately called Commissioner Soros for instructions.”
NtvAmrcn, “Where is Sirhan Sihran when we need him?”
Aaron, “Senators Dodd, Leiberman and Kennedy attempt to demonstrate the flotation devices that will be handed out to New Orleans residents and can be worn under normal casual clothing. Although the devices appear to be a bit saggy and loose, they can aid in…wait a minute. Never mind.”
Stephen Macklin, “For today’s random attack on the president, press one.
To learn how to pretend to support the troops, press two.
For tips on how to call Bush a racist based on hurricane relief, press three.
For voting instructions on the Roberts nomination, press four.
For directions to the Senate office building, press five.”
And the bonus round continues below the fold…
Best TV Reference, winner:
Master Shake, “Angels, this is Charlie – I have another assignment for you….”
kmmcgra, “Cost to the taxpayers for 3 Senators to go to New Orleans to mug for the cameras…….$300,000
Dodd/Lieberman working with the engineers to help plug the levees..”can we use Teddy…he’s like a big sandbag”….$0
3 Fat white Senators who followed Gov. Blanco’s plan to get a photo op with Sean Penn’s New Orleans’ lifesaving boat tours….Priceless”
JAT0, “Imagine, you are walking down a deserted street, one normally filled with happy, partying tourists; a street where every corner has a street performer or jazz trio playing, and there, suddenly, you come upon a trio of three white fat guys harmonizing Andrew Lloyd Webber tunes. You’ve just entered the Twilight Zone – one inhabited by a society of tinhat-moonbats.”
Tom Blogical, “Dodd, Kennedy and Lieberman inadvertantly become the new Three Stooges by answering their phones at the same time:”Hello, Hello, HELLOOOOOOO!”
Best Recruiting Tool For Alcoholics Anonymous Award, winner:
DWC, [Voice of offsite liquor store owner]: “I’m sorry, Senator Lieberman, but I’ve got two other guys on the line who just ordered enough scotch to float a battleship from here to Fredericksburg.”
scott, ‘Casting call’ for the 2006 movie release modernizing the old nursery rhyme–“Winken, Blinken, and Nodded off with his face buried in some hooker’s crotch after 2 bottles of Chivas.”
JAT0, “Kennedy: Mr. Scott – three to beam up! Hurry man, giant crawdads are attacking us!
Leiberman: 911 dispatcher, yes hello, say my friend Teddy is hallucinating. Yes, I can hold.
Dodd: Yes is this the Chris Owens Club on Bourbon Street? Yes, I’d like to get a table reserved for three. Yes front row!”
Remember The Blonde In The Pond Award, winner:
Guido, “Hello, eera, um, Chappaquiddick Police Dept? Eera yes, eera, um I’d like to report an accident involving, ah, um, my cah! When did it occur, you ahsk? Well, eera, just a, ah-ah, short, um, time ago, um, ah….If I was to, eera, venture a guess, ah-ah-um, I’d say just about 35 to 36 years ago, give or, eera, take a few minutes.
SCSIWuzzy, “On a conference call with the DLC: No, no. Teddy was with us the whole time. No. None of the floaters were anywhere near his car. Dont worry Chris has the keys now, and once we find some Chivas, we’ll drop Teddy in his room, and get some work done.”
Timmer, “TK: No honey, really, the hearings are over and we’re deliberating now. Sigh…no, I don’t plan on driving over any bridges, very funny. Look, the other Senators don’t have to got through this every time THEY stay in Washington for the weekend.”
TGO, “Dodd: Hi, can I have a pepperoni pizza?
Lieberman: Do you have any bagels left?
Kennedy: Okay, write this down. 2 bottles of gin. 3 bottles of whiskey. 20 jello shots. $900 worth of FlashDancers “Funny Money”. The red head from Continental Escorts. The blonde from BackBayBeauty Escorts. Viagra. A funnel. Every pint of Guinness in a 5 mile radius. And a limo – with a chaffeur. I’m not driving this time around!!
Neologism Of The Week Award:
billburz, “Municating, verb; definition: Three fat white men, with white hair and polo shirts, (I, You and He She or It) unable to speak to each other.Conjugate: I municate, You municate, He She or It municates.”
And finally, the Laurence Simon Sick, Twisted, And Evil Bastard Award (not to be confused with the recently-retired Laurence Simon Sick And Twisted Bastard Award) goes to greg, for “The view from Monica’s “beret-cam” as she prepares to “interview” for the role of Senate intern.” Greg barely edged out Charles Versteege’s “Yes, you have reached the Nancy Pelosi’s Personal Porn Hotline and boys I am hot! I am really really hot and been waiting for your conference call…” and jumbo’s “After the government successfully shut off the pipeline of counterfeit Viagra, Levitra and Cialis, heavy users, known on the mean streets as “e.d. junkies”, tried desperately to find a source of supply…”
Thanks again to everyone for playing!
Thanks Jay, BTW, there’s still time to enter a caption in my contest.
The 2nd place “winner” is totally out of bounds. You call for a murderer? As much as I dislike Teddy, remember that the SOB (and I mean that literally!) murdered his older brother.
“Oh, we need an assasin! Ha ha!” When did this become the fever-swamped “Republican Underground?”
Please. Wizbang! is SO far above this. I am saddened.
Seems there is a bridge and some water, a dead woman, and some political connections which you may not remember. I guess murder is a matter of perspective for you?
Hmm… Ranten, you might’ve been right. That probably should’ve gone into the Laurence Simon Sick, Twisted, and Evil Bastard Category. But it made me wince and groan, so I HAD to single it out.
Hmm… I wonder what my own reaction would be if someone made a John Hinckley reference to a picture of George W. Bush? How much credit did I give it on its own merits, and how much is based on my own contempt for Ted Kennedy? Food for thought.
Ranten, I’m not going to change it. It’s up there, it’s staying. “The moving hand” and all that. But you’ve definitely given me something to think about…
Lol. Good first place pick.
Sweet, I never won anything before. What do I win? Please tell me it is not one of their flotation devices!