Weekend Caption Contest™ Winners

Damn, judging this weekend’s caption contest was tough. 138 entries, and so many of them good. 97 made the first cut, and then I got brutal. The second round took it down to 43, and 33 survived the third. But in the end, some had to win.

First, though, I had to disqualify Hamish’s entry. I thought it was pretty good, but that’s only to be expected — I wrote it. I guess once a captioner, always a captioner…

Certain themes seemed to dominate, so I’m going to pick a winner in each of those. But there were also a lot that didn’t fit in any category, so I’m arbitrarily choosing the top three from them.

First Prize goes to falze, for “In this FEMA instructional video we can clearly see that a car can be swept away in heartbeat by a mere 2 feet of sheep, so for heaven’s sake, people, seek higher ground and don’t try to cross a herd of sheep in your car!” This proves yet again that when all else fails, go for the surreal.

Second Place goes to Ian Hamet, who took an oddball idea and just kept running and running with it until it ran into the ground: “Public Enemy’s comeback album, It Takes a Nation of Dozens of Sheep to Block Our Road (see cover, above), was met with underwhelming reviews, and dismal sales.

Things were so bad that the single, “Wut dat Scottish Farmer Done”, meant as an allegory of white farmers oppressing blacks (and livestock) the world over, failed to sell even a single copy.”

And third prize in the “general weirdness” category goes to Porkopolis, who proffered “Scientists from the Roslin Institute in Scotland return from a week long conference realizing they forgot to turn off the cloning machine before leaving.”

In the “Cleverest Literary Reference” category, ppg won it hands-down with “You will let me know when the lambs stop screaming, won’t you, Clarice?”

In the “Yes, Sheep Are The Punchline For Dirty Jokes” category, Jeff Blogworthy scored just enough bonus points by playing off my prejudices to win with “Thousands flock to Massachusetts after a federal judge once again expands the definition of marriage.”

In the “Is There Anything Funnier Than Terrorist Bestiality” category, Michael takes it with “In an effort to recruit more suicide bombers, prospects now get to pick out their 72 virigins before their
trip to paradise.”

In the Domestic Politics category, we have a tie. Several people tied the picture into Kos’ pledge to destroy the DNC, but SCSIWuzzy did it first, with “Markos “Screw ’em” Zuniga and wife rally the Daily Kosacks for his September offensive against the Democratic Leadership Council.” Meanwhile, Jeff Blogworthy, who seems to be winning way too much lately, put JUST that much more effort into his entry with “How the Left views America: They know where they want to go, but all these stupid sheep keep getting in the way.”

In the “Cartoons” category, Malibu Stacy scored by zigging away from the “Ralph And Sam” reference and “Wile E. Coyote apologetic after spilling his ACME Instant Sheep Pills into city’s water supply.”

And finally, the coveted “Laurence Simon Sick And Twisted Bastard” prize this week goes to two entries: Bodiddly, for “SHE: (thought bubble) aw, look at all the cute little sheep!
HE: (thought bubble) wonder if it’s really as good as Bubba said?”, and freakyboy, for “Is it a pink ear tag that means they’re gay and a yellow ear tag means they’re into group sex, or is it the other way around? Damn. No wonder I always strike out in bars.”

Thanks to everyone for playing, and check back in Friday for yet another Caption Contest!