Under lockdown

Several people wrote me to point out this story about a Brentwood, New Hampshire man who got drunk one night with a buddy and awoke to discover that he’d been placed under arrest.

Well, sort of.

He’d only been partly placed in custody. While he was sleeping off the booze, his buddy (and I use the term loosely) had apparently worried that his friend might lose something important. So he took a padlock and closed it over the guy’s… um… “family jewels.”

It was all done in good sport, of course. He left the guy the key.

Which broke off in the lock.

The poor guy kept his… um… unique fashion accessory for two weeks. He took a hacksaw to the lock, but it didn’t work. (I suspect that he was too terrified to use sufficient force, and I can’t blame him.) So he finally called an ambulance (after getting himself thoroughly liquored up again — you’d think he’d have learned better). They took him to a hospital (presumably after they stopped giggling), and there doctors called for a locksmith (presumably after THEY stopped giggling). The locksmith (presumably… you know the rest) then removed the lock for the guy, liberating the family jewels.

The guy was apparently treated and released, with no lasting injury to anything but his pride.

There’s no word on the status of the padlock, or of the guy who put it on him, but I suspect by now both have seen better days.

If I ever needed yet another reason why I don’t drink, I think I just found it.

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  1. SilverBubble August 10, 2005
  2. ed August 10, 2005
  3. friendinneed August 10, 2005
  4. joe August 10, 2005
  5. McGehee August 10, 2005
  6. snowballs August 10, 2005