On a recent trip into Boston, I noticed one of those “Monopoly” games that’s customized for the locals. Normally, they just change the property names and tokens, but Boston’s version went a bit further.
1) “Free Parking” now costs $50.00, with the money going directly to the bank.
2) Any time a player leaves the table to visit the restroom or get a beverage, they have to pay $10 to the bank for the Massachusetts Water Reclamation Authority.
3) Whenever you pass “Go,” you have to give back $10 in state income taxes, $5 in local taxes, and $5 token excise tax.
4) Further, property taxes are assessed every time you pass “Go” — 5% of original purchase price, plus $25 per house and $100 per hotel.
5) The utilities and railroads are now named after various taxes and fees, and charge accordingly.
6) Thanks to rent control, all rents are halved, and capped at $200, regardless of development.
7) Fully half the “Chance” and “Community Chest” cards are taxes, fees, surcharges, and whatnot.
8) Any rolls of 11 or 12 result in a $50 “speeding ticket” charge, along with a $10 “insurance surcharge” the next seven times you pass “Go.”
9) Every time a player rolls a 3 or a 9, they are “stuck in a traffic jam” and their turns ends immediately, without moving.
10) Chance features a card called “Income Redistribution,” where the richest player and poorest player (cash-wise) combine their total cash, then divide it equally.
11) Community Chest has a card called “Chappaquiddick.” When it is drawn, whoever owns “Martha’s Vineyard” (formerly “Boardwalk”) must immediately give it to the player who owns “Cape Cod” (formerly “Atlantic Avenue”).
12) The “Get Out Of Jail Free” cards now allow you to also get out of one single tax, one time. The card is then removed from the game.
There were more differences, but even reading that much brought back a relapse of my gastroenteritis.
(Update: Apparently, I wasn’t blatant enough (although the “Chappaquiddick” reference should have tipped off most people). I have therefore changed this posting’s category from “Humor” to “Satire.” Do I really need to spell it out any clearer?)