OK, it’s not Tuesday any more (except in a couple time zones well west of here), but I’m gonna toss up the latest Wizbang Midweek Contest. This week, we’re looking for the dirtiest-sounding words or phrases that are really utterly innocent. And as is my wont, I’m gonna toss out a few examples to steal away some of the better entries:
Kumquat
Angina
Touchhole/Bunghole
Penal System
Cold Enough To Freeze The Balls Off A Brass Monkey
Shooting Your Wad
Remember, it’s gotta SOUND dirty, but it can’t actually BE dirty or have a raunchy origin. And winners oughta be (notice I don’t say “will”) announced Thursday evening.
J.
From the world of weightlifting : snatch and jerk
How about the character named “Tigger” in the Winnie the Pooh series?
From the world of rowing and boating :
oars
punt pole
rollocks
From the world of ice hockey and Shakespeare : puck
From the world of sports generally : coming from behind
From the world of bar room etiquette : to push in his [her] stool for him [her]………
From the world of tough places and tougher choices [or else a day of gastric ‘flu] : caught between two stools….
From the world of Osama bin Laden’s solitude :
A pig in a poke…….[any pig will do]
I’ll probably do purgatory time for submitting this; but, ….
Penal Beads
Penal Beads are a rosary chaplet (one decade) used in prisons where the full rosary isn’t permitted for security reasons. Originated in Ireland when the Brits outlawed most Catholic items.
Tits on bacon
Cathouse
Bald as cueball
Blue balls
ululate
jactitation (a sudden movement, e.g., when you’re about to drop off to sleep, and your leg jerks).
Bushtit
peckerhead
(part on an electric motor)
Pile-Driver! Or is piledriver?
Colder than a witches’ tit in a brass bra at the bottom of a well in January.
Colder than a welldiggers’ ass.
Hotter than the hubs of Hannah.
My husband does computer programming for the education department at the university and there’s a project in there called “The Education Repository.” Every time I see it, I can’t help but think about them rolling up a textbook and sticking it where the sun don’t shine…
prickly heat
prig
titalate
tit mouse
booby hatch
nippy
pussy willow
jiggly
ramrod
“wow no one has this one yet? holy crap it was the lamest joke when i was a kid
“mastacate” – to chew
hey how often do YOU mastacate?
hahaha you moron you mastacate at least 3 times a day.”
Ummm, I pointed it out along with masitcation about 30 posts before yours.
Legal – “Have you seen her briefs”
Legal – “He’s a hard judge”
Legal – “For $200 an hour, he/she better be good!”
Legal – “Think you can get me off?”
Golf – “Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more”
Golf – “Hold on, I need to clean my balls”
Business – “It’s not fair, I do all the work, and he/she just sits there.”
Slippery Dick, the fish.
http://www.enature.com/fieldguide/showSpeciesSH.asp?curGroupID=3&shapeID=1004&curPageNum=2&recnum=FI0214
Once when snorkeling on the reef here a slippery dick found a comfy home in the ample bosom of bullwinklette and hitched a ride for about thrity minutes.
Boy did we ever have a laugh when we got back and found out what that fish was called in the reef fish identification book.
foreskin
As in “I once had a foreskin wallet, when I rubbed it, it became a piece of luggage.”
Do people’s names count? If so, you’ve gotta love that Bosnian woman basketball player who moved to America to play for the Charlotte team. Her name?
Ivana Mandic.
(giggle! snort!)
dongle
French Lick, IN
Aei Lingus (airline)
foccaacia
pianist
seaman
homo erectus
bishopric
fallacious
cuneiform
seminal
poop deck
Boston Butt
Pulled Pork
Pork Loin
When my 13 year old daughter was 7, she and I were having a conversation about getting a kitten.
She became so excited, she went into the utility closet, grabbed a broom, and began marching around the house thrusting the broom up and down and shouting “PUSSY PUSSY PUSSY, CAT CAT CAT.”
After I recovered from the pepsi blowing out my nose from laughing so hard, I finally calmed down enough to tell my wife about it. Ever since, it’s been a private joke between my wife and I.
Come to Wisconsin and smell our dairy air.
We once accused a girl of masticating in public. She denied it.
Eat a beaver, save a tree.
Blowing the Chofur
(This is what our Jewish brethren do on Yom Kippur I believe; though it sounds like what Paris Hilton might have to do when she loses her wallet.)
Cock-a-doodle-do!
“Hold my naked mole rat, boys. I’m going in.”
-quote from episode of Disney’s “Kim Possible”
acerose
coccyx
dongle
futtock
puckfist
Nomenclature:
Harry Johnson
John Astor
sorry faith+1 i must have missed it
from engines, both diesel + steam:
thrust
cylinder
piston
lube
jerk pump
crank arm
drain plug
surface blow
bottom blow
blowing tubes
Bill O’Reilly says no bloviating – it’s his job!
At Notre Dame, every year is held the largest basketball tournament in the world. Nearly every student and faculty member plays. Every year the student newspaper publishes the best names. If you wind up playing “Team 342” that means the team name was censored by the school.
The best name for a basketball team I’ve ever heard:
Popeye and his Dribbling Seamen.
It got censored.
This was indeed a Letterman top 10 list a while ago.
My favorite was “Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln”.
myocardial infarction
With two cities in Minnesota named Climax and Fertile, there is a purportedly true story going around that a newspaper headline once read:
“FERTILE WOMAN DIES IN CLIMAX”
A phrase from another joke I one heard: cunning stunts.
(Think about it.)
Don’t forget the pilot’s tool – the joystick.
I request your forbearance to let me tell a little story in this vein.
Back when I was in the Navy and stationed at the National Security Agency, the standard practice was to put a placard by each door with the name of the most senior person inside (lotsa desks, and maybe a few private offices were to be found if you went through a door).
“Next door” to our Navy office was an office where The Big Man was named Dick Shaker. My friend Eric managed to control himself for many, many months, but one day, he could control himself no longer. He took a piece of paper, wrote the word “Official” on it, and stuck it in front of Dick Shaker’s name.
The next day, the placard was changed to “Dr. Richard Shaker.”
True story. Or as we say in the Navy, “this is no shit…”
Hate to break it to you, but “shoot your wad” isn’t something you’d want to say in Sunday school. The links are too disgusting, go search for yourself.
Despite the fact that a packed-bed reactor is a common component of chemical processing plants, our dean of engr. wouldn’t allow us make t-shirts that had anything to do with “reacting faster in packed beds”.
🙂
Some engineering terms:
suction head required (used in specifying pumps)
perfectly rigid member (used in intro civil eng. courses)
stripping section (distillation column terminology)
rod loading under compression (reciprocating compressors / pumps)
rod wiping (reciprocating compressors / pumps)
channel lube (rotating equipment)
packing box (rotating equipment)
discharge relief (safety valve)
packed bed reactor (mentioned already by techno above)
temperature induced shrinkage (civil/mech)
eccentric orifice (used to measure flows containing solids)
Yeah, I need to get a life.
RS
red-bellied sapsucker
cunning linguist
Satchel Paige
We almost forgot the ever-popular Tailgunner!
Or the other military one, Rear Admiral, and don’t leave out the medical profession, gotta include the Head Nurse.
Mill Bastard. The name of a type of file (not cyber).
Buck the trend.
Golden Shower. He stood in a golden shower of sunlight.
Here pussy pussy
A hand in the bush
tool chest
tool box
Not kidding here, was in court this morning with an attorney named Harry Johnson.
Cumming, Georgia.
From the English vernacular, an expression that MEANS, “be direct, don’t avoid the subject, don’t evade looking directly at/for/about a problem, etc.”
“DON’T BEAT AROUND THE BUSH.”
Or, said thusly:
“LET’S NOT BEAT AROUND THE BUSH.”
Virgin Wool
Extra Virgin Olive Oil