Welcome to Boston! Give us all your money and nobody gets hurt.

OK, time for even more Massachusetts bashing…

As is typical for big cities, Boston is in a bit of a financial bind. This is on top of the long list of other problems Beantown has. But one city councilor has an idea to get more money that is, in my humble and understated opinion, just plain nucking futs.

Driving into Boston is a modern urban adventure. The roads are more cratered than Fallujah, the streets were laid out as cowpaths (and are appropriately twisty and narrow), the one-way and dead ends are a labyrinth that would confound Daedalus, the parking attendants are more zealous than Al Qaeda, the general fees usurious, and the drivers all seem graduates of the GTA School. And once you survive Boston long enough to get off the roads, the taxes and fees make you feel mugged every time you take out your wallet.

But City Councilor Paul J. Scapicchio has an idea to make it all better: he wants to institute a $1.00 to $5.00 “pass” to commuters coming into the city. After all, isn’t that a small price to enter the paradise that is weekday Boston? And residents shouldn’t have too many complaints — after all, the main burden of the fee wouldn’t be people who actually vote in Boston, so Boston politicians wouldn’t have to fear too much backlash from their constituents.

Proponents of the fee say the money would go strictly towards street repair, public transportation, and other ways of easing the commuter hassle. And who could doubt them? After all, Massachusetts has such a sterling record of keeping such promises. Whenever any sort of tax or fee is raised with promises that the money will go exclusively towards a certain cause, it always does. Er, almost always does. Um, usually does. I mean, sometimes does. Or occasionally.

Actually, I can’t recall a single time Massachusetts has actually kept such a promise, but I’m sure they will this time. After all, they PROMISE.

If Councilor Paul J. Scapicchio had a lick of sense, he’d do what I hear they do in northern New Jersey. There, they apparently use the “Roach Motel” principle — it’s free to get in, but they charge you to get out. Institute a toll strictly on people trying to escape from Boston, and that might raise even more money.

J.

Baseball In DC
Bonfire of the Vanities - Week 91

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  1. Jack Tanner March 30, 2005
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