Wizbang movie pitch contest — the winners

Damn, judging this was tough. Now I see why Kevin’s so often late announcing the winners. On my first read-through of the entries, over half made the first cut. My sincerest thanks for everyone who entered — it was truly a hoot. But it’s tough picking the best, so I’m giving a bunch of special awards in the extended section.

Also, I’d like to apologize for not posting this Thursday night. I spent over two hours going over the 134 entries before literally nodding off at the computer, finally going to bed and setting the alarm to get up early and finish. Next time I’ll give myself more time to judge — presuming I’m crazy to do something like this again.

OK, enough beating around the bush. Time to give credit where credit is due.

First place – Kevin P. Craver, “The Empire Strikes Back to the Future – Luke Skywalker goes back in time to build up Anakin Skywalker’s confidence toward Padme Amidala, and to talk him out of that whole dark side of the Force thing.”

Second Place – Leopold Stotch, “The Quiet Manchurian Candidate –
unbeknownst to him, John Wayne’s trip to Ireland was really part of a government experiment in mind control. When he returns to America, he has an uncontrollable urge to kill anyone who drinks Guinness.”

Third place – Duane “The Canoe Guy,” for “Howard the Duck Soup – Howard is transported to Freedonia where Beverly is constantly being chased by Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho).”

Honorable Mentions: Mesablue, “Animal House Of Animal House of 1000 Corpses – Neidermeyer’s revenge;” Leopold Stotch, “Old School of Rock – after successfully starting a fraternity for outcasts, Will Farrell and Vince Vaughn join Jack Black as high school music teachers. Hilarity ensues;” and triticale, for “Murder By Death Of A Salesman – a commercial traveler rings the wrong doorbell.”

Miss Congeniality goes to -S-, for being the first to admit that coming up with these entries “…is like eating potato chips: you can’t stop after you start and there are never enough of them to go around.”

Bonus prizes in the extended section, and thanks again to all who played — judging this cost me way, way too much sleep, and generated a lot of complaints from the neighbors over my laughing too loudly.


The “Get the hell out of my head” award goes to Laurence Simon. Right after posting the contest, I came up with “Sling Blade III: Trinity,” where Billy Bob Thornton and Carrie Ann Moss join James Earl Jones, Tommy Lee Jones, and Catherine Zeta Jones in fighting vampires. Then he posted “Sling Blade Trinity – The Vampire Hunter teams up with a retarded murderer to save the human species and cheese-covered potatoes.”

The “Nothing Succeeds Like Sucking Up” award goes to Leopold Stotch, for “Jay Tea With Mussolini.”

The “Brevity Is The Soul Of Wit” award goes to Not Tony, who squeezed all the mirth he could out of “Rain Manaconda: A man takes his brother, a giant deadly autistic snake, to Las Vegas.”

The “Laurence Simon Sick, Twisted Bastard Award” also goes to Ian Hamet, for “Remains of the Day After Tomorrow – years after the global freeze, a proper British butler tries to rekindle an old flame, and flashes back to when he and she ate their employer to survive the freeze.” Not Tony gets an Honorable Mention for “My Left Footloose: A poor, working-class Irishman is born with cerebral palsy and teaches a small midwestern town to dance.”

The “Jay Tea Award for Quantity Sometimes Has A Quality All Its Own” award goes to Not Tony, who came up with a mind-boggling total of 22 entries.

The “Screw The Rules, I’m Having Fun Here!” award goes to Miles, for “Das Booty Call” (no plot description — thankfully) and “Torah! Torah! Torah! — Intrepid rabbinical aviators launch a surprise attack on the American fleet anchored at Boca Raton.”

The “I Feel Dirty Just Typing This” goes to Kevin P. Craver, for “Quiz Showgirls – a rigged quiz show with bad acting and topless women shakes 1950s society.” (Dis)honorable mentions go to Jmaster, for “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, Myself, and Irene – the International Man of Mystery explores his bi-side with a split personality cop… and the cop’s girlfriend,” and “Run Silent, Run Deep Throat – lonely submariners discover new ways to pass their time at sea,” and Not Tony, for “The People vs. Larry Flintstones – the biography of a man who goes from his poor job at a gravel pit to the king of pornography. Co-stars Courtney Love as Wilma.”

A decidedly hostile work environment
The *Real* Reason the Left Attacked Lawrence Summers


  1. Laurence Simon February 18, 2005
  2. Kevin P. Craver February 18, 2005
  3. Not Tony February 18, 2005
  4. jmaster February 18, 2005
  5. Henry February 18, 2005
  6. Dwayne "the canoe guy" February 18, 2005
  7. Laurence Simon February 18, 2005
  8. -S- February 19, 2005
  9. triticale February 19, 2005