"I used up my sick time, so I called in dead"

If ever there was a day I didn’t feel like going in to work, it’s today. It’s Veteran’s Day, and I want to commemorate those who have paid the ultimate price for the freedom I regularly abuse. Yassir Arafat has finally given up terrorism, and I want to celebrate that. And it’s the 15th anniversary of my mother’s death, so I’d like a little quiet private time.

But I can’t. Too much to do at work. But in the spirit of my mood, I thought I’d toss this piece out.

I’ve always been impressed by creativity, and one of the better venues these days is in finding excuses to not go into work. I’ve collected a few over the years that I found particularly amusing.

1) I once dated a woman who worked Monday-Friday, while I was on a Saturday-Wednesday schedule. We only got together on Friday evenings, and leaving her to go to work (25 miles away) was a bit of a challenge — one I often failed to meet. Once she actually persuaded me to “call in horny.” I did, but it didn’t fly — even though my boss had previously said that if I had the guts to do it, he’d honor it. Shoulda known he wouldn’t…

2) One guy I work with recently called in to say he’d be late. He reported that “he had a problem with his pillow.” I had to respect that…

3) One woman I work with once called in to report she’d been attacked in her own home. She’d heard some odd noises from outside, opened the door, and saw a tree falling right at her. She immediately turned and ran like hell, evading the tree, but it still took out a hunk of fence, banged up her front porch, and the top of it ended up inside her doorway. She even brought in pictures, because she’d used the “a tree attacked me in my own home” excuse before.

So, what’s the best excuse for missing work you’ve ever heard?

J.

"Send me"
Good riddance to bad rubbish

32 Comments

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