President Bush at a campaign event today reiterated his administration’s opposition to drowning kittens. “That is an action we have never endorsed, never practiced, and never will tolerate. If the American people re-elect us, I give my solemn pledge that that ban will continue to be rigorously enforced.”
Bush was asked if that would be different under a Kerry/Edwards administration. “I can’t speak for them. I have noticed that a large number of animal-rights activists — those with a lot of access to kittens through humane shelters — are supporters of the Democratic ticket. I also have noticed that both Senators Kerry and Edwards have offices near the Reflecting Pool in Washington, which is large enough and wide enough to drown a lot of kittens. And Democrats have, traditionally, supported such policies as abortion rights and euthenasia. But I repeat, I can’t speak for them, nor can I predict what changes in long-standing policies a Kerry-Edwards administration might make.”
The Kerry administration probably would have denied any allegations that they intend to institute kitten-drownings, but we didn’t bother to contact them.