I have absolutely nothing to say…

…so I’ll just say something else.

I love playing EA Sports video games, but they really need to devote more time and disc space to adding in new comments. I’m playing Tiger Woods 2004 right now, and every time I drive the ball more than 300 yards (pretty easy when you have your power and your power boost at 110% with a plus-four bonus on each), I hear the same quotes…

“Can you say [lowers voice] GARGANTUAN?”
“Oh, you’re just prodigious.”
“Tiger’s got nothing on you.”
“That one shortened this hole considerably.”
“OH! He’s hit this one a MILE!”

And others.

It happens in other games, too, like Madden…

“They used to put stick-um on their hands to catch those balls. Now they got those gloves.”
“The fullback is a great option in the passing game. He can catch it, he can run it, heck, I’ve even seen him throw it once or twice.”
“That’s how you get the first down. The fullback tells the coach, ‘you need two yards, I’ll get you two yards.’ The coach says, ‘well, what if I need six yards?’ ‘I’ll get you two yards.'”
“A defensive player getting a good hat on a guy.”
“That instant-replay rule was put in to right wrongs. That was wrong, and now it’s right.”

Of course, sometimes you’ll come across a little gem, like I did one day. It was 28-10 at the half — I was losing — and in the third quarter, I brought my score up to 31, and led them 31-28. As the third quarter ended, Madden said:

“Well, all those people who left at halftime are probably kicking themselves listening to the radio in their cars.”

And then, at the two-minute warning one day, when I was up 40-7 or something…

“Hm. Lot of people have already gone to get their hot dogs and soft drinks, the way this game is going.”

I hope that post has fulfilled the “don’t just post to billboard” theory. Feel free to add to this with your thoughts on video game commentary.

This is Josh Cohen of www.d-42.com, signing off.

Join the meme...
Open Mic Day 3