Locutisprime sends us the following in email:
Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California has now identified with certainty the heaviest element known to science.
The new element, Pelosium (PL), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Pelosium is inert, and has no charge and no magnetism. Nevertheless, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Pelosium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Pelosium has a normal half-life of 2 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a biennial reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
Pelosium mass will increase over time, since each reorganization will promote many morons to become isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Pelosium becomes Senatorium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Pelosium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
That's settled science right there.
Crossposted(*).
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Filed under:
Congress, Humor, Nancy Pelosi
Comments (15)
Pelosium is inert, and h... (Below threshold)1. Posted by Falze | March 17, 2010 7:08 AM | Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
Pelosium is inert, and has no charge
I have to disagree...evidence indicates Pelosium has an extremely negative charge.
1. Posted by Falze | March 17, 2010 7:08 AM |
Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 07:08
2. Posted by iwogisdead | March 17, 2010 7:35 AM | Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Pelosium is difficult to observe for extended periods due to the regular occurrence of what is known as a Botoxus Event, which causes the element to take on a strange, disturbing appearance. Between Botoxus Events, Pelosium actually does appear to decay, and this progresses until the next Botoxus Event.
2. Posted by iwogisdead | March 17, 2010 7:35 AM |
Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 07:35
3. Posted by rodney dill | March 17, 2010 7:48 AM | Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
At least the densest.
3. Posted by rodney dill | March 17, 2010 7:48 AM |
Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 07:48
4. Posted by rodney dill | March 17, 2010 8:26 AM | Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
For being so dense the end product is an amazing lightweight
4. Posted by rodney dill | March 17, 2010 8:26 AM |
Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 08:26
5. Posted by 914 | March 17, 2010 8:39 AM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Pelosium is believed to have originated from the core of a black hole
5. Posted by 914 | March 17, 2010 8:39 AM |
Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 08:39
6. Posted by rodney dill | March 17, 2010 8:44 AM | Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Pelosium is believed to have originated from the core of a black hole
The enormous gravitational field causes it to suck the most.
6. Posted by rodney dill | March 17, 2010 8:44 AM |
Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 08:44
7. Posted by 914 | March 17, 2010 9:11 AM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Botoxium is the only known substance capable of temporarily minimizing surface cracks on pelosium..
7. Posted by 914 | March 17, 2010 9:11 AM |
Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 09:11
8. Posted by epador | March 17, 2010 9:42 AM | Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
An a new lightest element, consisting of one deemed electron and one neutron, has the designation o.
8. Posted by epador | March 17, 2010 9:42 AM |
Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 09:42
9. Posted by Mac Lorry | March 17, 2010 10:07 AM | Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Another strange property of Pelosium is that it turns wealth into debt. It does this by drawing in taxium particles and mutating each one into two debtium particles. It's feared that over time the weight of the debtium particles will cause a catastrophic collapse of the local region of space.
9. Posted by Mac Lorry | March 17, 2010 10:07 AM |
Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 10:07
10. Posted by Justrand | March 17, 2010 10:44 AM | Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
914: "Pelosium is believed to have originated from the core of a black hole"
Update: new research confirms Pelosium was DEEMED into existence...though without intelligent design.
10. Posted by Justrand | March 17, 2010 10:44 AM |
Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 10:44
11. Posted by SCSIwuzzy | March 17, 2010 10:54 AM | Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
914,@#5
Let me channel Steve Green for you
RACIST!!!!!!
11. Posted by SCSIwuzzy | March 17, 2010 10:54 AM |
Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 10:54
12. Posted by GarandFan | March 17, 2010 11:01 AM | Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
Got to hand it to Pelosi. Under her Speakership, the Congress has arrived at it's LOWEST ratings ever.
12. Posted by GarandFan | March 17, 2010 11:01 AM |
Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 11:01
13. Posted by Justrand | March 17, 2010 11:32 AM | Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
GarandFan, Queen Piglosi worked HARD for those ratings...and she's damn proud of them!
13. Posted by Justrand | March 17, 2010 11:32 AM |
Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 11:32
14. Posted by JAT | March 17, 2010 12:33 PM | Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
I just fell off my chair at work - science settled!
14. Posted by JAT | March 17, 2010 12:33 PM |
Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 12:33
15. Posted by 914 | March 17, 2010 2:18 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Barry lackluster and his hoodlum administration are dumber then a box of pelosium laden rocks.
15. Posted by 914 | March 17, 2010 2:18 PM |
Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Posted on March 17, 2010 14:18