Some immigration humor-
There's even a handy 1-866 toll free number you can call if "you are an immigration fugitive and have questions about whether you qualify for the Scheduled Departure Program."Honestly I have no opinion in regards to ICE's Scheduled Departure Program. Except I tend to be skeptical when it comes to government bureaucracy administering any program in a competent fashion.*****
"If you are an illegal immigrant please press 1. Para Espanol marque dos.
Please listen to our menu carefully. Our deportation options have changed.
If you are an illegal immigrant and have no criminal record please press 1.
If you are an illegal immigrant with a criminal record, please press 2.
You have pressed 2. Please state your name and address clearly after the tone. An ICE agent will come by shortly to detain you. Thank you for your cooperation."
But suppose you pressed 1.
"If you are an illegal immigrant with a valid ID please press 1.
For quality assurance purposes an ICE Agent may monitor your call.(That's your FISA dollars at work)
Please enter your 9 digit Social Security number followed by the # sign to see if you are eligible for this special limited time self -deportation offer.
Please hold while we verify your Social Security number...
Sorry, your Social Security number already exists.
Press 1 if you would like accept a plea bargain with 5 months jail time.
Press 2 if you would like an ankle bracelet.
Press 3 to self deport now.
Press 0 at any time for an ICE agent.Thank you for using Self-Deport. We hope you had a pleasant stay in the U.S. and we wish you a safe onward journey



Comments (13)
There is a new 1-866 toll f... (Below threshold)1. Posted by Dave | August 10, 2008 7:38 PM | Score: -8 (8 votes cast)
There is a new 1-866 toll free number a person can call to determine if they are going to heaven.
If you are adamently opposed to allowing people less fortunate then you into your country or your a racist press 1.
If your a democrat press 2.
1. Posted by Dave | August 10, 2008 7:38 PM |
Score: -8 (8 votes cast)
Posted on August 10, 2008 19:38
2. Posted by jpm100 | August 10, 2008 8:38 PM | Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
The fact they don't teach history in school anymore becomes woefully apparent again, thanks to Dave.
2. Posted by jpm100 | August 10, 2008 8:38 PM |
Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Posted on August 10, 2008 20:38
3. Posted by Dave | August 10, 2008 9:00 PM | Score: -7 (7 votes cast)
Exodus 22:21, "You shall not wrong or oppress a resident alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt."
3. Posted by Dave | August 10, 2008 9:00 PM |
Score: -7 (7 votes cast)
Posted on August 10, 2008 21:00
4. Posted by Dave | August 10, 2008 9:02 PM | Score: -7 (7 votes cast)
This is one of my favorites.
Leviticus 19:33-34: And if a stranger sojourn with thee in your land, ye shall not vex him. But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.
4. Posted by Dave | August 10, 2008 9:02 PM |
Score: -7 (7 votes cast)
Posted on August 10, 2008 21:02
5. Posted by Dave | August 10, 2008 9:04 PM | Score: -6 (6 votes cast)
The fact that jpm100 does not read the bible is woefully apparent.
5. Posted by Dave | August 10, 2008 9:04 PM |
Score: -6 (6 votes cast)
Posted on August 10, 2008 21:04
6. Posted by jpm100 | August 11, 2008 12:19 AM | Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
Again, Dave doesn't know history.
Despite your translation of one passage to say illegal alien when it should say foreigner, those traditions are indicative of the Ancient Middle East where a lack of hospitality to a traveler would lead to their death. Hospitality is a far cry from a hand out of citizenship like candy.
As for actual illegal aliens (and not your mistranslation), their original purpose isn't innocent since they knowingly entering the land unlawfully, for illegal labor or in some cases criminal activity beyond their illegal entry. So the term traveler doesn't apply to them.
6. Posted by jpm100 | August 11, 2008 12:19 AM |
Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
Posted on August 11, 2008 00:19
7. Posted by Dave | August 11, 2008 3:26 AM | Score: -6 (6 votes cast)
jpm,
Your really splitting hairs on this one. I did not translate or mistranslate the Bible. Do you think the Israelites contacted their embassy and waited to obtain passports while being chased from Egypt? I don't remember reading about that in the Bible. In the time of the Bible their was no concept of entering a country for the purpose of illegal labor? Get real.
7. Posted by Dave | August 11, 2008 3:26 AM |
Score: -6 (6 votes cast)
Posted on August 11, 2008 03:26
8. Posted by Jody | August 11, 2008 6:17 AM | Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
Dave: Lest you forget, the Jews were a) invited into Egypt by the government (the Pharoah), b) did kinda apply for a work permit in Egypt (had to state their occupation and be assigned a region), and c) slaughtered the Canaanites when they returned.
See: Gen 45 (on the "visa")
From Gen 46 (on the work permit)
From Joshua 6 (The battle of Jericho):
8. Posted by Jody | August 11, 2008 6:17 AM |
Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
Posted on August 11, 2008 06:17
9. Posted by Dave | August 11, 2008 11:48 AM | Score: -3 (3 votes cast)
Despite your translation of one passage to say illegal alien when it should say foreigner, those traditions are indicative of the Ancient Middle East where a lack of hospitality to a traveler would lead to their death. Hospitality is a far cry from a hand out of citizenship like candy.
JPM100,
You are saying the above passage merely states to show hospitality to travelers. Clearly you are misinterpreting the bible.
How do you interpret "stranger" to refer only to immigrants not containing a green card? Please expand on this as I'm quite curious.
9. Posted by Dave | August 11, 2008 11:48 AM |
Score: -3 (3 votes cast)
Posted on August 11, 2008 11:48
10. Posted by Brad | August 11, 2008 4:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Let me see: ancient 1st testament Egypt and Israelites on the one hand; illegal south of the border immigrants in the USA on the other. Oh yes, the similarities are so obvious. Jeez, dude, get a grip.
10. Posted by Brad | August 11, 2008 4:59 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on August 11, 2008 16:59
11. Posted by Dave | August 11, 2008 6:19 PM | Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
Let me see: ancient 1st testament Egypt and Israelites on the one hand; illegal south of the border immigrants in the USA on the other. Oh yes, the similarities are so obvious. Jeez, dude, get a grip.
Brad,
Leviticus 19:33-34 does not make a distinction, why should you or anyone else. You need to spend more time reading and following the bible. Your attitude is in clear violation of God will. I will pray for you.
11. Posted by Dave | August 11, 2008 6:19 PM |
Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
Posted on August 11, 2008 18:19
12. Posted by Dave | August 11, 2008 6:26 PM | Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
Jody,
I reject your examples that refer to the ancient Egyptians. For you are comparing the United States to the ancient Egyptians. They were an evil people and God punished them severely. The same holds true for the people of Jericho.
If anything your defense proves we should be more tolerant to imigrants, lest God will smite us as he did the ancient Egyptians and the city of Jericho.
12. Posted by Dave | August 11, 2008 6:26 PM |
Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
Posted on August 11, 2008 18:26
13. Posted by Jody | August 11, 2008 7:18 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Dave:
Dude, it's your comparison. Lest you forget this too, it was at 9 PM last night (link)
[emphasis mine]The Jews were strangers sojouring in Egypt. But they were strangers sojourning in Egypt who had been invited there by the Pharoah.
Simply, the passages you cite do not support your position. Make your argument a different way.
13. Posted by Jody | August 11, 2008 7:18 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on August 11, 2008 19:18