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Best. Fortune-Cookie. Ever.

Posted by Paul

Published: December 16, 2005 - 8:39 AM

This one is priceless.

You are about to be $8.95 poorer.
(6.95 if you had the buffet.)

You're welcome to try and beat it in the comments but it will be an uphill battle.

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Comments (67)

"Help, I'm caught in a fort... (Below threshold)

1. Posted by Lyn | December 16, 2005 8:45 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Lyn:

"Help, I'm caught in a fortune cookie factory."

from Lyn at Bloggin' Outloud where we have a Christmas Caption Contest going on right now!

1. Posted by Lyn | December 16, 2005 8:45 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 08:45

You will be experiencing gr... (Below threshold)

2. Posted by Bruce | December 16, 2005 8:51 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Bruce:

You will be experiencing great hunger very soon.

2. Posted by Bruce | December 16, 2005 8:51 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 08:51

That lump is cancer.<... (Below threshold)

3. Posted by JeremyB | December 16, 2005 8:54 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
JeremyB:

That lump is cancer.

From Penn & Teller's How to Play With Your Food.

3. Posted by JeremyB | December 16, 2005 8:54 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 08:54

"I am indeed imprisoned in ... (Below threshold)

4. Posted by Jeff Harrell | December 16, 2005 9:05 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jeff Harrell:

"I am indeed imprisoned in a Chinese fortune-cookie factory, but have you pondered the subtle cognitive snares in which you yourself may be trapped?"

(James Morrow)

4. Posted by Jeff Harrell | December 16, 2005 9:05 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 09:05

Hecho en Mexico.... (Below threshold)

5. Posted by bullwinkle | December 16, 2005 9:10 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
bullwinkle:

Hecho en Mexico.

5. Posted by bullwinkle | December 16, 2005 9:10 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 09:10

Not a cookie insert but a s... (Below threshold)

6. Posted by BlogDog | December 16, 2005 9:13 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
BlogDog:

Not a cookie insert but a snip from the Simpsons when Homer started writing for fortune cookies:

A Woody Allen looking character: "He writes like a young me."
Asian character: "Yong Mi was a HACK compared to him!"

6. Posted by BlogDog | December 16, 2005 9:13 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 09:13

"In five minutes you will w... (Below threshold)

7. Posted by cmd | December 16, 2005 9:13 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
cmd:

"In five minutes you will wish the men's room were closer to your table."

7. Posted by cmd | December 16, 2005 9:13 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 09:13

"That wasn't chicken."... (Below threshold)

8. Posted by arb | December 16, 2005 9:18 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
arb:

"That wasn't chicken."

8. Posted by arb | December 16, 2005 9:18 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 09:18

Around the time my wife and... (Below threshold)

9. Posted by Wright | December 16, 2005 9:25 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Wright:

Around the time my wife and I met:
"You will meet a man named Wright. He is often wrong"

9. Posted by Wright | December 16, 2005 9:25 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 09:25

Confuse'ed Murtha say,<br /... (Below threshold)

10. Posted by scrub_oak | December 16, 2005 9:30 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
scrub_oak:

Confuse'ed Murtha say,
To avoid the buffet quagmire, redeploy to Café De Retraite.

10. Posted by scrub_oak | December 16, 2005 9:30 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 09:30

Your date has Herpes... (Below threshold)

11. Posted by Rodney Dill | December 16, 2005 9:43 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rodney Dill:

Your date has Herpes

11. Posted by Rodney Dill | December 16, 2005 9:43 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 09:43

"The testimony of a small c... (Below threshold)

12. Posted by OregonMuse | December 16, 2005 9:43 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
OregonMuse:

"The testimony of a small child will get you a stiff prison sentence."

12. Posted by OregonMuse | December 16, 2005 9:43 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 09:43

Tee-hee-hee!! This sort of... (Below threshold)

13. Posted by Omni | December 16, 2005 9:44 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Omni:

Tee-hee-hee!! This sort of thing makes you wonder why nearly all comics are liberals!!

(Click here if you dare)

13. Posted by Omni | December 16, 2005 9:44 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 09:44

Sam Bernstein, Lawyer, (###... (Below threshold)

14. Posted by Rodney Dill | December 16, 2005 9:44 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rodney Dill:

Sam Bernstein, Lawyer, (###) ###-####

14. Posted by Rodney Dill | December 16, 2005 9:44 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 09:44

This is one of Johnny Carso... (Below threshold)

15. Posted by OregonMuse | December 16, 2005 9:44 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
OregonMuse:

This is one of Johnny Carson's Carnack jokes, but it sounds sort of like a fortune cookie:

"May a weird customs inspector find a secret compartment in your sister."

15. Posted by OregonMuse | December 16, 2005 9:44 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 09:44

My favorite (I still carry ... (Below threshold)

16. Posted by NCDawg | December 16, 2005 10:00 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
NCDawg:

My favorite (I still carry it around in my wallet):

"Some men dream of fortunes, others dream of cookies."

16. Posted by NCDawg | December 16, 2005 10:00 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 10:00

Your stupidity is your wors... (Below threshold)

17. Posted by Jeff | December 16, 2005 10:02 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jeff:

Your stupidity is your worst enemy

17. Posted by Jeff | December 16, 2005 10:02 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 10:02

For all of you that are usi... (Below threshold)

18. Posted by Dave in San Diego | December 16, 2005 10:07 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Dave in San Diego:

For all of you that are using the fortune cookie prisoner theme, please remember that the late Alan King was using that 40 to 50 years ago.

18. Posted by Dave in San Diego | December 16, 2005 10:07 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 10:07

. ... (Below threshold)

19. Posted by Steel | December 16, 2005 10:13 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Steel:

. .

19. Posted by Steel | December 16, 2005 10:13 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 10:13

He who read message inside ... (Below threshold)

20. Posted by wavemaker | December 16, 2005 10:18 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
wavemaker:

He who read message inside cookie destined to lose fortune.

20. Posted by wavemaker | December 16, 2005 10:18 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 10:18

I actually got this one sev... (Below threshold)

21. Posted by Scott | December 16, 2005 10:25 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Scott:

I actually got this one several years ago

"Any plans you make are apt to be final"

21. Posted by Scott | December 16, 2005 10:25 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 10:25

Female pilot who fly upside... (Below threshold)

22. Posted by Bungalowlife | December 16, 2005 10:39 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Bungalowlife:

Female pilot who fly upside down sure to have crack-up.

22. Posted by Bungalowlife | December 16, 2005 10:39 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 10:39

12 14 21 32 45 48 ... (Below threshold)

23. Posted by Hoodlumman | December 16, 2005 10:52 AM | Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
Hoodlumman:

12 14 21 32 45 48

23. Posted by Hoodlumman | December 16, 2005 10:52 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (1 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 10:52

You will soon be hospitaliz... (Below threshold)

24. Posted by BWS | December 16, 2005 11:01 AM | Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
BWS:

You will soon be hospitalized for MSG poisoning

24. Posted by BWS | December 16, 2005 11:01 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (1 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 11:01

"You like Pineapple"<... (Below threshold)

25. Posted by AngryMe | December 16, 2005 11:14 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
AngryMe:

"You like Pineapple"

I showed the waitress, and she brought out a huge tray of squared pineapples with toothpicks in them.

Yum!

25. Posted by AngryMe | December 16, 2005 11:14 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 11:14

True story:I took ... (Below threshold)

26. Posted by BoDiddly | December 16, 2005 11:26 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
BoDiddly:

True story:

I took a young lady (who had been very reluctant to go out with me) on a first date to a Chinese restaurant. After the meal, she broke open her cookie and immediately looked up at me with a very confused, funny look. Her fortune:

He's very flirtatious, but his intentions are noble.

We've been married over ten years now.

26. Posted by BoDiddly | December 16, 2005 11:26 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 11:26

I swear my wife got this on... (Below threshold)

27. Posted by Martyr | December 16, 2005 11:32 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Martyr:

I swear my wife got this one once.

"There is no love like self love"

27. Posted by Martyr | December 16, 2005 11:32 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 11:32

Except that this cookie doe... (Below threshold)

28. Posted by Yogurt | December 16, 2005 11:45 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Yogurt:

Except that this cookie doesn't fit the standard I was taught at a tender age. In order for any fortune cookie saying to be complete, you must append the words "in bed" to the end. Try it some time :)

28. Posted by Yogurt | December 16, 2005 11:45 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 11:45

"All your base are belong t... (Below threshold)

29. Posted by sentinel | December 16, 2005 11:54 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
sentinel:

"All your base are belong to us!"

29. Posted by sentinel | December 16, 2005 11:54 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 11:54

Buy More Chinese!... (Below threshold)

30. Posted by Punsmith | December 16, 2005 12:10 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Punsmith:

Buy More Chinese!

30. Posted by Punsmith | December 16, 2005 12:10 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 12:10

"PUT ME BACK! PUT ME BACK!"... (Below threshold)

31. Posted by McGehee | December 16, 2005 12:12 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
McGehee:

"PUT ME BACK! PUT ME BACK!"

31. Posted by McGehee | December 16, 2005 12:12 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 12:12

Number One Cookie Makes Num... (Below threshold)

32. Posted by Punsmith | December 16, 2005 12:12 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Punsmith:

Number One Cookie Makes Number Two Quickly!

32. Posted by Punsmith | December 16, 2005 12:12 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 12:12

"Have this fortune printed ... (Below threshold)

33. Posted by McGehee | December 16, 2005 12:14 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
McGehee:

"Have this fortune printed on a T-shirt, only $12.99"

33. Posted by McGehee | December 16, 2005 12:14 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 12:14

"What do you know, that IS ... (Below threshold)

34. Posted by McGehee | December 16, 2005 12:15 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
McGehee:

"What do you know, that IS the way the cookie crumbles!"

34. Posted by McGehee | December 16, 2005 12:15 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 12:15

Mmmmmmmm - Mongol Love Cook... (Below threshold)

35. Posted by Punsmith | December 16, 2005 12:21 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Punsmith:

Mmmmmmmm - Mongol Love Cookie! But now I have Blazing Saddle!

35. Posted by Punsmith | December 16, 2005 12:21 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 12:21

I didn't wash my hands!... (Below threshold)

36. Posted by tommy | December 16, 2005 12:29 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
tommy:

I didn't wash my hands!

36. Posted by tommy | December 16, 2005 12:29 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 12:29

Sure, you found this one, b... (Below threshold)

37. Posted by sortapundit | December 16, 2005 12:40 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
sortapundit:

Sure, you found this one, but I bet you didn't find the one we put in the spring rolls.

37. Posted by sortapundit | December 16, 2005 12:40 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 12:40

You shouldn't have eaten th... (Below threshold)

38. Posted by jc | December 16, 2005 1:01 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
jc:

You shouldn't have eaten the sweet and sour pork.

38. Posted by jc | December 16, 2005 1:01 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 13:01

I pee'd in your rice.... (Below threshold)

39. Posted by don | December 16, 2005 1:19 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
don:

I pee'd in your rice.

39. Posted by don | December 16, 2005 1:19 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 13:19

I got this one the day I gr... (Below threshold)

40. Posted by Piotr | December 16, 2005 1:35 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Piotr:

I got this one the day I graduated law school. It's framed in my office.

"You would make a good lawyer."

40. Posted by Piotr | December 16, 2005 1:35 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 13:35

I keep all the fortunes tha... (Below threshold)

41. Posted by Chublogga | December 16, 2005 2:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Chublogga:

I keep all the fortunes that work out especially well "in bed", such as:

A friend is a present you give yourself.

Don't aim down the well when you can shoot at the moon.

If one door closes, another will open.

A gorgeous woman is waiting for you.

Ok, I made that last one up.

41. Posted by Chublogga | December 16, 2005 2:27 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 14:27

Got this one many, many yea... (Below threshold)

42. Posted by JustBill | December 16, 2005 2:28 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
JustBill:

Got this one many, many years ago:

The day you were born, a problem was solved.

Still think it's a keeper.

42. Posted by JustBill | December 16, 2005 2:28 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 14:28

I can beat that easy:... (Below threshold)

43. Posted by Jesse | December 16, 2005 2:49 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jesse:

I can beat that easy:

43. Posted by Jesse | December 16, 2005 2:49 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 14:49

arg, pic didn't work...... (Below threshold)

44. Posted by Jesse | December 16, 2005 2:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jesse:

arg, pic didn't work...

"That wasn't chicken"

Picture here: http://homepages.inf.ed.ac.uk/gfursin/humor/images/humor027.jpg

44. Posted by Jesse | December 16, 2005 2:50 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 14:50

"It's Bush's fault!!... (Below threshold)

45. Posted by lowmal | December 16, 2005 2:56 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
lowmal:


"It's Bush's fault!!"

45. Posted by lowmal | December 16, 2005 2:56 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 14:56

I once got one that said, "... (Below threshold)

46. Posted by wheels | December 16, 2005 3:18 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
wheels:

I once got one that said, "This person is serious and true and deserving of respect."

I taped it outside my cubicle, but everyone just laughed. It wasn't as vehement a reaction as the time I got one at a company lunch that said, "The person sitting next to you will give you a million dollars", though.

46. Posted by wheels | December 16, 2005 3:18 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 15:18

A couple of years ago, I go... (Below threshold)

47. Posted by Matt Harris | December 16, 2005 4:08 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Matt Harris:

A couple of years ago, I got one at my favorite Chinese Restaurant that said, "If you are still hungry, eat another fortune cookie."

I wish I had kept it. :_(

47. Posted by Matt Harris | December 16, 2005 4:08 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 16:08

"Want to see the special sa... (Below threshold)

48. Posted by Peter F. | December 16, 2005 4:18 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Peter F.:

"Want to see the special sauce the chef added to the wok? Kikkoman. $3.99 at your local grocer."

48. Posted by Peter F. | December 16, 2005 4:18 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 16:18

"Do not read this cookie."<... (Below threshold)

49. Posted by Tym | December 16, 2005 4:29 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Tym:

"Do not read this cookie."

49. Posted by Tym | December 16, 2005 4:29 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 16:29

"Confuscious say, man who e... (Below threshold)

50. Posted by Peter F. | December 16, 2005 4:47 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Peter F.:

"Confuscious say, man who eat too much rice have no bowel movement."

50. Posted by Peter F. | December 16, 2005 4:47 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 16:47

I got this one in a fortune... (Below threshold)

51. Posted by Robert | December 16, 2005 4:56 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Robert:

I got this one in a fortune cookie myself:

"The greatest danger could be your stupidity."

51. Posted by Robert | December 16, 2005 4:56 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 16:56

John Kerry's fortune:... (Below threshold)

52. Posted by Peter F. | December 16, 2005 5:04 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Peter F.:

John Kerry's fortune:

"Breaking into fortune cookies in the dead of night, reading the fortunes, terrorizing children with the cracking sound made when cookies are opened and, you know, breaking open even more historical fortune cookies, religious fortune cookies. Whether you like it or not... Iraqis should be doing that."

52. Posted by Peter F. | December 16, 2005 5:04 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 17:04

From today's lunch at a buf... (Below threshold)

53. Posted by waveman | December 16, 2005 8:02 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
waveman:

From today's lunch at a buffet near Atlanta...

"The fortune you seek is in another cookie."

53. Posted by waveman | December 16, 2005 8:02 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 20:02

"Democrats will not win ... (Below threshold)

54. Posted by Patriccio | December 16, 2005 8:16 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Patriccio:

"Democrats will not win back Congress this decade"
(Copyright 1994)

I'll be damned. It still works.

54. Posted by Patriccio | December 16, 2005 8:16 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 20:16

Nuts... (Below threshold)

55. Posted by Uncle Mikey | December 16, 2005 8:19 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Uncle Mikey:

Nuts

55. Posted by Uncle Mikey | December 16, 2005 8:19 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 20:19

"God hates you"I h... (Below threshold)

56. Posted by Taz | December 16, 2005 8:54 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Taz:

"God hates you"

I heard that was in a politician's fortune cookie back in the early 90's or late 80's; can anyone help me find a link?

56. Posted by Taz | December 16, 2005 8:54 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 20:54

Inspected by No. 6... (Below threshold)

57. Posted by Rodney Dill | December 16, 2005 9:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rodney Dill:

Inspected by No. 6

57. Posted by Rodney Dill | December 16, 2005 9:50 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 16, 2005 21:50

Idea you going to eat this ... (Below threshold)

58. Posted by Random Yak | December 17, 2005 12:35 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Random Yak:

Idea you going to eat this cookie, just plain wrong.

58. Posted by Random Yak | December 17, 2005 12:35 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 17, 2005 00:35

Jesus loves you,e... (Below threshold)

59. Posted by SUB HUNTER | December 17, 2005 12:36 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
SUB HUNTER:


Jesus loves you,everyone else thinks your
a asshole!!!

59. Posted by SUB HUNTER | December 17, 2005 12:36 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 17, 2005 00:36

Here's an actual fortune fr... (Below threshold)

60. Posted by EricR | December 17, 2005 4:13 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
EricR:

Here's an actual fortune from an actual fortune cookie. 10-12 of us are sitting at the big round table and this fortune made it almost all the way around the table 'til someone read it correctly:

"You will be well respected by your pears"

It's still funny as crap every time I remember -- thanks for listening!

EricR

60. Posted by EricR | December 17, 2005 4:13 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 17, 2005 04:13

John Kerry's fortune:... (Below threshold)

61. Posted by EricR | December 17, 2005 4:21 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
EricR:

John Kerry's fortune:

"Breaking into fortune cookies in the dead of night, reading the fortunes, terrorizing children with the cracking sound made when cookies are opened and, you know, breaking open even more historical fortune cookies, religious fortune cookies. Whether you like it or not... Iraqis should be doing that."

Posted by: Peter F. at December 16, 2005 05:04 PM

Thanks Peter! Even if I just about choked to death!!!!

61. Posted by EricR | December 17, 2005 4:21 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 17, 2005 04:21

"Instructions: (1) Break op... (Below threshold)

62. Posted by McGehee | December 17, 2005 11:35 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
McGehee:

"Instructions: (1) Break open cookie. (2) Read fortune. (3) Eat cookie."

62. Posted by McGehee | December 17, 2005 11:35 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 17, 2005 11:35

"Your gratuity is $8.20. Le... (Below threshold)

63. Posted by Charles V | December 17, 2005 8:13 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Charles V:

"Your gratuity is $8.20. Leave it on the table or you will experience a dreadful calamity soon."

63. Posted by Charles V | December 17, 2005 8:13 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 17, 2005 20:13

WARNING: Do not eat food un... (Below threshold)

64. Posted by Doug | December 18, 2005 2:01 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Doug:

WARNING: Do not eat food until reading this important informatio..........

64. Posted by Doug | December 18, 2005 2:01 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 18, 2005 02:01

Got this is a restaurant in... (Below threshold)

65. Posted by Carolyn | December 20, 2005 5:29 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Carolyn:

Got this is a restaurant in New Orleans, La.:

You need a change. Try Canada.

65. Posted by Carolyn | December 20, 2005 5:29 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on December 20, 2005 17:29

my personal favorite in bed... (Below threshold)

66. Posted by Jessica S. | February 27, 2007 2:45 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jessica S.:

my personal favorite in bed: "When you feel defensive, examine what you fear"(in bed)!

66. Posted by Jessica S. | February 27, 2007 2:45 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on February 27, 2007 14:45

i actually got these and st... (Below threshold)

67. Posted by hmong guy | April 30, 2007 12:09 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
hmong guy:

i actually got these and still have them saved:
"a good way to stay healthy is to eat more chinese food"
"in some fortune cookies, there are no fortunes"
:)

67. Posted by hmong guy | April 30, 2007 12:09 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 30, 2007 00:09




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