5. Posted by
retired military | October 14, 2005 9:19 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
retired military:
Condi
Just tell the Syrian President that we arent going to invade and that they should "trust us".
--------------
"Condi, tell Kim Il Jung, that I am sorry but "Trust Us" just isnt good enough when dealing with matters of such long lasting importance to the future of the United States".
------------
What do you mean Hillary said "Trust me"?
5. Posted by
retired military | October 14, 2005 9:19 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
11. Posted by
Weegie | October 14, 2005 9:49 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Weegie:
Yes, Laura, of course it will be a woman. Of course, dear, Harriet is a good pick. Yes, dear, if you insist on it, it will be her. But, dear, I do realize that I only have 3 more years with these Beltway Bozos, but 30 more years with you. Yes, dear, of course, dear...
11. Posted by
Weegie | October 14, 2005 9:49 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
13. Posted by
Hodink | October 14, 2005 10:02 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hodink:
"I'm not running again. Legacy smegacy. I don't care who put me here. I'm for cronyism, war and increasing my personal wealth. I'm a chip off the old block, huh Daddy?"
13. Posted by
Hodink | October 14, 2005 10:02 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
2. I need someone who can fix New Orleans. Someone with experience and know how. Use a phone book? Novel idea. Start with the Ps? Paul of Wizbang?! Perfect. He's even got a premade nickname - the Wizzer.
3. Hey Secret Service, Hillary's in here again trying to measure for news drapes. She's gotta wait til I'm gone.
4. One ringy dingy... two ringy dingy...
5. ... here's my impression of Dick Cheney - Go $%^# yourself!
26. Posted by
lawhawk | October 14, 2005 10:27 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
28. Posted by
FreakyBoy | October 14, 2005 10:41 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
FreakyBoy:
"Hello, you've reached Norad's automated customer service line. If you wish to launch by code, push one; if you know the destination code, press two, or stay on the line and you we be assisted in the order you called"
(cue musak version of "Eve of Destruction")
28. Posted by
FreakyBoy | October 14, 2005 10:41 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Karl, can you comere a sec?
You're German is good: Explain the difference to the outgoing Chancellor between loosing under 2,000 people to a Category 5 huricane and losing over 5,000 to a frickin heat wave. Yeah. And do it in your "Col. Klink" voice. I love it when you say "Schroooooeder" and squint that one eye.
Hey Laura, use that book larning of yours, and call Chirac with the same message. But do your Capt. Renault when you tell him you are shocked! schocked! that it only takes a few mild Texas days to kill off 7,000 frogs.
Man, I love have the World Leader Hotline...
30. Posted by
SCSIwuzzy | October 14, 2005 10:46 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
31. Posted by
robert | October 14, 2005 10:49 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
robert:
"Darn it Fineman, you know Karl didn't bomb New Orleans - he was in Texas with me. And thanks for the flowers by the way, but as I told you before this administration is not close to being dead."
31. Posted by
robert | October 14, 2005 10:49 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
42. Posted by
tacitblue | October 14, 2005 11:31 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
tacitblue:
Journalists expressed outrage when it became apparent that what they thought was a candid shot of the president turned out to be staged. The controversy emerged after it was discovered that President Bush had written down a list of pizza toppings before he placed the call.
42. Posted by
tacitblue | October 14, 2005 11:31 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
44. Posted by
tacitblue | October 14, 2005 11:47 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
tacitblue:
Whenever he's feeling down George Bush conference calls Al Gore and John Kerry so he can hear the white house operator tell them to "please hold for The President".
44. Posted by
tacitblue | October 14, 2005 11:47 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
47. Posted by
tacitblue | October 14, 2005 12:00 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
tacitblue:
...OK, I'll consider it and I look forward to your report. By the way, about this Supreme Court vacancy, that lady down the hall that wears the colorful scarves is a lawyer isn't she?
47. Posted by
tacitblue | October 14, 2005 12:00 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
So Abdullah... how much more do you want us to carve off Israel for nothing in return? I'll get Condi right on it. [pause] Aw, come on... do I HAVE to? [pause] Oh, alright... if you insist... There is no other God but Allah and Muhammad is his prophet.
51. Posted by
Aaron's cc: | October 14, 2005 12:21 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
52. Posted by
retired military | October 14, 2005 12:22 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
retired military:
Hello? Senator Kennedy nice to speak with you again, how is that education bill coming? Good Good. So what do I owe the pleasure of this call? Oh Souter is announcing his retirement tomorrow and since Harry Reid had the last pick you want your turn. Well I think we can do that as long as she fits my criteria.
Who's that you say? Now why would I make that choice? Well, yes a lawyer is a good choice, and that candidate is definitely under the radar, and I am sure that a few democratic Senators would approve of the pick. I see your point and your right would help out in the '08 Presidential race too
Well Senator Kennedy I will have to think on it. I mean how will it look if the press finds out I selected Hillary for the Supreme Court and it would clear the way for your man Kerry to get the Democratic nod. Why I would get all that criticism from the press about muddling with the democratic presidential primaries.
Have a good day Ted.
52. Posted by
retired military | October 14, 2005 12:22 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
53. Posted by
tacitblue | October 14, 2005 12:24 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
tacitblue:
And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...
53. Posted by
tacitblue | October 14, 2005 12:24 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Bush records a greeting for his answering machine: "Hello, you've reached the White House. I can't come to the phone right now so please just wait for the tone and then leave your name and phone number, and a brief description of your Supreme Court qualifications, we'll be sure and get right back to you."
54. Posted by
McGehee | October 14, 2005 12:27 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Yeah, it's a great movie. Yeah, that crazy girl really kicked ass didn't she? Yeah, I thought that was the best line in the movie. Listen, it's been great talkin' to ya, but I'm afraid you got the wrong number."
55. Posted by
McGehee | October 14, 2005 12:30 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"You are so f'in hot. Just look at me if you agree with anything I've said and say 'yes' to me... and wink. I want to f'in go crazy with you...drive you nuts."
59. Posted by
tony | October 14, 2005 12:58 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Heck ya! I wanna hit 'em with everything we've got. How many of them nucular missiles would it take to show 'em the real will o' God? I've been talking to him, and he told me "drop the hammer, Bushie!"
61. Posted by
Wonder Woman | October 14, 2005 12:59 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Actual Caption: The President offers congratulations to Germany's new Chancellor.
Mainstream Press Caption: Bushie, on vacation again to avoid the miasma of corruption swirling around his 2nd alleged term, sitting behind a mockup of a real desk in a mockup of the real Oval Office, is seen here smashing a telephone receiver against his face trying to activate it, ignoring and looking away from the small, numbered buttons that most persons of normal intelligence recognize as the proper means of dialing a modern telephone. It is believed that just off camera is convicted baby-killer, correction, naughty presidential advisor Karl Rove, who was prompting the idiot Bushitler to pretend to correctly operate the telephone to help lower his: "Agree that the President is too stupid to operate a telephone" poll numbers of MoveOn.org member unregistered unlikely voters recently touted on every network's nightly newscast and morning show as well as on the headline of every major newspaper, but the coaching is obviously not going well and appears to be an obvious attempt to cover up for Tom DeLay's mounting pile of heaped up incriminating, damning, indictments that are just piling up as the stench of corruption fills the GOP offices in Washington or possibly to draw attention away from the clearly-doomed-to-fail democracy experiment in Iraq.
---There, I feel better.
72. Posted by
Falze | October 14, 2005 2:42 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
76. Posted by
retired military | October 14, 2005 3:37 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
retired military:
"Well Mr Moore, It is a kind offer but I really dont want be a star in your next movie."
-----------
"Hillary we would love for you to bring back the White House momentos you borrowed but I think it will be a bit premature to start measuring the drapes.
-----------
Karl, are you really sure this plan with Harriet is gonna work out as well as the others? I know, I know, just trust you. Okay Karl, we will release a statement that she wont withdraw under any circumstances.
76. Posted by
retired military | October 14, 2005 3:37 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
78. Posted by
Jo | October 14, 2005 3:51 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jo:
"Hewitt, the check's in the mail. You've done good. For the next opening on the court, I'm going to nominate Laura and I want you to play up her career as a librarian." He listens and nods. "Yeah, I realize it will cost me triple your going rate. Keep up the good work!"
I really love Hugh Hewitt but I couldn't resist...
78. Posted by
Jo | October 14, 2005 3:51 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
79. Posted by
Faith+1 | October 14, 2005 4:22 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Faith+1:
"Yeah dad, you'd think after successsfully running several businesses, kicking the ass of their favorite Texas Democrat to be Governor and opening fresh cans of whupass in two Presidential elections the Dems would figure out the whole "Dumbass Act" was staged..."
79. Posted by
Faith+1 | October 14, 2005 4:22 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
82. Posted by
retired military | October 14, 2005 4:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
retired military:
Alberto, Dont worry, the fix is in I tell you. Harriet will withdraw her name due to health reasons and after what I have put the base through they will welcome you with open arms.
82. Posted by
retired military | October 14, 2005 4:50 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
“I don't get what the base so dang upset about... I thought they knew when I promised them a strict constructionist, that what I really meant was compassionate constructionist. Ok, time for damage control... let's leak some reports that she's been havin' the stigmata. That would make her sound really super-religious, right?”
83. Posted by
Watcher | October 14, 2005 5:08 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
86. Posted by
Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 7:28 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rodney Dill:
"why did I call Condi? Well Rove tells met the lost Foo-Kowi indians are in grave danger, He said I should call the State Department and ask Where the Foo-Kowi?
86. Posted by
Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 7:28 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
99. Posted by
jc | October 15, 2005 1:36 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
jc:
Hi, AOL tech support? I put the free CD you sent me in my computer and clicked on the icon and this counter popped up with a little radioactive symbol next to it. It's counting down. So is it installing?
99. Posted by
jc | October 15, 2005 1:36 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hello, Moe's Tavern? Yes, I'm looking for Amanda Hugginkiss... oh, shoot I just screwed it up!"
***********************************
"KBBL's gonna gimme somethin' stupid!... Oh, sorry, Mr. Putin. I'm trying to win an elephant, long story..."
***********************************
"Why, yes, Mr. Rather, I swear to you here and now, live on the air, this is really and truly the President and I am resigning effective tomorrow... um, can you hold on a second? Baba-Boey is on the other line..."
***********************************
"I have a call from who? Who the hell is Spoonie Luv???"
***********************************
"Why yes, my refrigerator is running, why do you ask?"
101. Posted by
Mr. Right | October 15, 2005 2:53 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
President Bush thanks Saddam Hussein for the roses he sent, but informs him that there is really nothing he can do about the trial starting next week. Hussein takes the news poorly.
102. Posted by
Roger Fraley | October 15, 2005 9:32 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
103. Posted by
Steve Crickmore | October 15, 2005 9:38 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Steve Crickmore:
Pardon, me?.. Who's speaking? Karl, is that you? No, I don't think I can pardon every Tom, Dick and you, Scary. Sure, I know you're all my cronies. And you can judge a man by the friends he keeps. But, I'll have to speak to Harriet about that. Harriet? Damn, where did she go?
103. Posted by
Steve Crickmore | October 15, 2005 9:38 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
104. Posted by
Lloyd | October 15, 2005 1:28 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Lloyd:
"Hi, is this Leslie Stahl? Great, listen. Since my setup with those troops went so well, let me fax you a list of questions to ask me on 60 Minutes. And remember, during the story you want to try real hard to pretend that you're happy that democracy has come to Iraq..."
104. Posted by
Lloyd | October 15, 2005 1:28 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
107. Posted by
retired military | October 15, 2005 2:55 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
retired military:
"Saddam! How's it going?
Yeah I know your trial starts soon. Where was the gang of 14 during the Senate vote on the war? Well I see if I can get John McCain to come see you and you can ask him. I mean we know he will do anything for a photo op. No, I cant do any better than that!. Not you too! Look Harriet Mier's credentials are as plain as the WMD on your face.! Have a nice trial towelhead!!"
107. Posted by
retired military | October 15, 2005 2:55 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hello is this the head of Nick at Nite?... Yeah, President Bush here.
Listen, I know you don't normally take requests but I would consider it a peronal favor if you could play that episode of Three's Company where they have that big misunderstanding but everything works out in the end.
I see. Umm-hmm. I see. Right.
Gosh I feel silly. Let's just pretend this call never happened ok?"
111. Posted by
Guido | October 15, 2005 8:41 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Guido:
(With apologies to the Big Bopper and "Chantilly Lace")
Helllooo baby, yeah, this is the Big W speaking
Oh you sweet thing
Do I what?
Will I what?
Oh baby, you know what I like
(CHORUS:)
To choose my lawyer chick as my Supreme pick
Forget about Janice Rogers Brown
Though my base may squawk, perhaps some even balk
They wouldn't dare to vote you down
Of you they've never heard, so they must trust my word
Because you are my crony they will call you phony
I'll just tell Lott and Frist that you are evangelist
You're my girl, oh baby you're the one I like
What's that Harriet?
You say I'm great, so you I should nominate
But you ain't got noooooooo priors, Miers
(Heh-heh-heh) Oh alright baby, you know what I like
(CHORUS)
111. Posted by
Guido | October 15, 2005 8:41 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
114. Posted by
Nicholas | October 15, 2005 9:34 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Nicholas:
"So I said to Jerry that he really should send his daughter to a different school but his wife, Shirley, was so set on that one but it's such a terrible shame... oh yes, I know... well you know how girls can be these days... sorry Fred but I really have to go, I promised Tom that I'd tell him the shocking news I heard yesterday from Mavis about the Patterson's son... no I don't know why they let him get away with it either, say hello to the kids from me. Ta-taa!"
114. Posted by
Nicholas | October 15, 2005 9:34 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
116. Posted by
retired military | October 15, 2005 11:22 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
retired military:
Hello. Karl? Hey I need your help again. I need you to make up with official looking dirt on Harriet Miers, backdate it to oh about 1985 or so, yeah the middle of the Reagan years. Then send a faxed copy of it to Bill Burkett in an plain brown envelope. Yeah the same way you did that national guard stuff. You may want to do the same thing with Tom Delay and Ronnie Earl just to help him out a bit. Yeah yeah send it to that news chick in the canoe. The press wont think anything of it. All they have to see is it is a way to get at me so they wont do any fact checking at all. By then it will be too late and they will have Dan Rather doing a comeback reporting breaking news. Okay Karl you know what to do.
116. Posted by
retired military | October 15, 2005 11:22 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
119. Posted by
retired military | October 16, 2005 11:28 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
retired military:
Scene: A week prior to nominating Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court President Bush receives a strange phone call.
"Hello. Yes, I have made up mind. It is going to be Janice Rogers Brown. I understand. She is not the one I am looking for. She should go about her business. The one I am looking for is Harriet Miers. Of Course. I understand. After I hang up I will forget that I ever received a phone call from Harriet's twin brother."
120. Posted by
retired military | October 16, 2005 6:22 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
retired military:
Hey Scott. How's it going? Hey you know we got this new get to know Harriet campaign kicking off this week and I need to know the talking points.
Lets see. She worked with me for 10 years. Got it.
She was first woman in charge of the Texas Bar. Got it.
A lot of Supreme Court justices havent been judges in the past. Got it.
Hey Scott these are the same things we have been saying and they smell like last month's BBQ. You got anything different for me.
Her middle name isnt Day. Hey that is a new one. Good job. Keep up the good work.
120. Posted by
retired military | October 16, 2005 6:22 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
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Comments (122)
What do you mean, 'we're no... (Below threshold)1. Posted by barbara | October 14, 2005 9:05 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
What do you mean, 'we're not in Kansas anymore?'
1. Posted by barbara | October 14, 2005 9:05 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 09:05
2. Posted by retired military | October 14, 2005 9:12 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Bush has a Clintonesque moment
"Yes Dick, Harriert is showing me her credentials right now"
2. Posted by retired military | October 14, 2005 9:12 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 09:12
3. Posted by barbara | October 14, 2005 9:18 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
now that's funny!!!
3. Posted by barbara | October 14, 2005 9:18 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 09:18
4. Posted by DaveD | October 14, 2005 9:18 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hey, can I call ya'll back in a sec? Rove's pounded on the door again. Keeps coming in here and going on about, 'now in case I'm not around...'".
4. Posted by DaveD | October 14, 2005 9:18 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 09:18
5. Posted by retired military | October 14, 2005 9:19 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Condi
Just tell the Syrian President that we arent going to invade and that they should "trust us".
--------------
"Condi, tell Kim Il Jung, that I am sorry but "Trust Us" just isnt good enough when dealing with matters of such long lasting importance to the future of the United States".
------------
What do you mean Hillary said "Trust me"?
5. Posted by retired military | October 14, 2005 9:19 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 09:19
6. Posted by retired military | October 14, 2005 9:21 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Sorry but
What do you mean Hillary said "Trust me"?
should have read
What do you mean Hillary told the folks of NY that "I am not going to run for President, Trust me"?
6. Posted by retired military | October 14, 2005 9:21 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 09:21
7. Posted by LJD | October 14, 2005 9:28 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Osama who?
7. Posted by LJD | October 14, 2005 9:28 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 09:28
8. Posted by xanadu1015 | October 14, 2005 9:36 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"I want that with pepperoni, mushrooms and extra cheese..."
8. Posted by xanadu1015 | October 14, 2005 9:36 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 09:36
9. Posted by JohnMc | October 14, 2005 9:39 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
“Yes, I’d like 500 large pizzas delivered to the Capital Hill please. What? … My name? … Oh…, its Clinton, Hillary Clinton.”
9. Posted by JohnMc | October 14, 2005 9:39 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 09:39
10. Posted by spurwing plover | October 14, 2005 9:43 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Can you hear me now?
10. Posted by spurwing plover | October 14, 2005 9:43 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 09:43
11. Posted by Weegie | October 14, 2005 9:49 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Yes, Laura, of course it will be a woman. Of course, dear, Harriet is a good pick. Yes, dear, if you insist on it, it will be her. But, dear, I do realize that I only have 3 more years with these Beltway Bozos, but 30 more years with you. Yes, dear, of course, dear...
11. Posted by Weegie | October 14, 2005 9:49 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 09:49
12. Posted by Todd | October 14, 2005 9:56 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Seriously, I honestly think that the ball hit the dirt! Yeah, I think the ump made the right call."
12. Posted by Todd | October 14, 2005 9:56 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 09:56
13. Posted by Hodink | October 14, 2005 10:02 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"I'm not running again. Legacy smegacy. I don't care who put me here. I'm for cronyism, war and increasing my personal wealth. I'm a chip off the old block, huh Daddy?"
13. Posted by Hodink | October 14, 2005 10:02 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:02
14. Posted by Jeff Medcalf | October 14, 2005 10:02 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rover, get in here! This "computer" you've been telling me about turns out to be a red folder. I checked!
14. Posted by Jeff Medcalf | October 14, 2005 10:02 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:02
15. Posted by D. Doré | October 14, 2005 10:04 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Oh my, that's terrible! 3 Brazillian soldiers were killed yesterday?!
Uh... How many IS a brazillion?
15. Posted by D. Doré | October 14, 2005 10:04 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:04
16. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 10:08 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"One ringy dingy . . . Two ringy dingies . . ."
16. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 10:08 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:08
17. Posted by YukYuk | October 14, 2005 10:09 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Say Cindy, would you like to have that meeting now? This Meirs thing is putting a real hurtin on me.
17. Posted by YukYuk | October 14, 2005 10:09 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:09
18. Posted by anonymoose | October 14, 2005 10:11 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hey Cheney, My new speak and say presidental phone pronounces "Nu-ca-lur" just like I do!
18. Posted by anonymoose | October 14, 2005 10:11 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:11
19. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 10:12 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"No Teddy, I won't forward you to that phone sex number, you got me last week and Laura's still giving me hell about it. Make your own damn call."
19. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 10:12 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:12
20. Posted by Doug Stewart | October 14, 2005 10:16 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
AP Pool Photograph, DATELINE: WASHINGTON, DC.
President Bush graphically demonstrates how he "[J]ust called that Miers nomination in".
20. Posted by Doug Stewart | October 14, 2005 10:16 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:16
21. Posted by Tim in PA | October 14, 2005 10:20 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"So..... tell me what kind of underwear you have on right now..."
21. Posted by Tim in PA | October 14, 2005 10:20 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:20
22. Posted by Kiwiruss | October 14, 2005 10:22 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Dick, Was that a Diet Pepsi with your sipersized big Mac Meal ? "
22. Posted by Kiwiruss | October 14, 2005 10:22 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:22
23. Posted by Jeff | October 14, 2005 10:23 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
this is meant as a joke so don't got nuclear on me:
"Karl, are you sure that none of those folks at NRO are married to an undercover CIA agent ?"
23. Posted by Jeff | October 14, 2005 10:23 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:23
24. Posted by Laurence Simon | October 14, 2005 10:25 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"I don't care if you're telling me to invade Hyannisport tomorrow... how many times have I told you not to call me on this number, God?"
24. Posted by Laurence Simon | October 14, 2005 10:25 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:25
25. Posted by Dave | October 14, 2005 10:27 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hello... yes... yes I know everyone said it could't be done... your welcome Iraq.
25. Posted by Dave | October 14, 2005 10:27 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:27
26. Posted by lawhawk | October 14, 2005 10:27 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
1. I picked a bad week to get off the RINO train
2. I need someone who can fix New Orleans. Someone with experience and know how. Use a phone book? Novel idea. Start with the Ps? Paul of Wizbang?! Perfect. He's even got a premade nickname - the Wizzer.
3. Hey Secret Service, Hillary's in here again trying to measure for news drapes. She's gotta wait til I'm gone.
4. One ringy dingy... two ringy dingy...
5. ... here's my impression of Dick Cheney - Go $%^# yourself!
26. Posted by lawhawk | October 14, 2005 10:27 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:27
27. Posted by LJD | October 14, 2005 10:38 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hey Vladimir! Did you hear the one about the chinese getting into space..."
27. Posted by LJD | October 14, 2005 10:38 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:38
28. Posted by FreakyBoy | October 14, 2005 10:41 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hello, you've reached Norad's automated customer service line. If you wish to launch by code, push one; if you know the destination code, press two, or stay on the line and you we be assisted in the order you called"
(cue musak version of "Eve of Destruction")
28. Posted by FreakyBoy | October 14, 2005 10:41 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:41
29. Posted by Hoodlumman | October 14, 2005 10:45 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Senator Kennedy? *snicker* Is your refrigerator running? *snort*
29. Posted by Hoodlumman | October 14, 2005 10:45 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:45
30. Posted by SCSIwuzzy | October 14, 2005 10:46 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Karl, can you comere a sec?
You're German is good: Explain the difference to the outgoing Chancellor between loosing under 2,000 people to a Category 5 huricane and losing over 5,000 to a frickin heat wave. Yeah. And do it in your "Col. Klink" voice. I love it when you say "Schroooooeder" and squint that one eye.
Hey Laura, use that book larning of yours, and call Chirac with the same message. But do your Capt. Renault when you tell him you are shocked! schocked! that it only takes a few mild Texas days to kill off 7,000 frogs.
Man, I love have the World Leader Hotline...
30. Posted by SCSIwuzzy | October 14, 2005 10:46 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:46
31. Posted by robert | October 14, 2005 10:49 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Darn it Fineman, you know Karl didn't bomb New Orleans - he was in Texas with me. And thanks for the flowers by the way, but as I told you before this administration is not close to being dead."
31. Posted by robert | October 14, 2005 10:49 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:49
32. Posted by ed | October 14, 2005 10:53 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hmmmm.
"Hey is this IPod on?"
:)
32. Posted by ed | October 14, 2005 10:53 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:53
33. Posted by ZP | October 14, 2005 10:56 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"No, no, no--I'm telling you, this room is a circle... Say what? ... Put my glasses on?"
33. Posted by ZP | October 14, 2005 10:56 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 10:56
34. Posted by bullwinkle | October 14, 2005 11:02 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hello, Jacques...You heard the bad news about Gerhard, right? YOU'RE NEXT STINKY! HAHAHAHAH."
34. Posted by bullwinkle | October 14, 2005 11:02 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:02
35. Posted by BoDiddly | October 14, 2005 11:06 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Yes, Mr. Putin? Do you have Prince Albert in a can?
35. Posted by BoDiddly | October 14, 2005 11:06 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:06
36. Posted by DUDACKATTACK!!! | October 14, 2005 11:06 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Whats the number for 911?!!!"
36. Posted by DUDACKATTACK!!! | October 14, 2005 11:06 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:06
37. Posted by stan25 | October 14, 2005 11:10 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hey Rummy, do you think that we can do another event like we did yesterday, in the near future? This time though leave the press in the dark.
37. Posted by stan25 | October 14, 2005 11:10 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:10
38. Posted by Dwight P | October 14, 2005 11:23 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Damn, Billy. Harriet even looks good with my glasses off.
38. Posted by Dwight P | October 14, 2005 11:23 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:23
39. Posted by Timmer | October 14, 2005 11:23 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"What's that Foxy? Put mirrors on my borders so your folks think our country is just as shitty as yours? GREAT idea!"
39. Posted by Timmer | October 14, 2005 11:23 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:23
40. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 11:27 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Uh, No we don't have Prince Albert in a can. . . Dad? . . . is that you?
40. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 11:27 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:27
41. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 11:29 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Why did I call this extension? Well Condi said something about 1555 and walked out."
41. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 11:29 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:29
42. Posted by tacitblue | October 14, 2005 11:31 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Journalists expressed outrage when it became apparent that what they thought was a candid shot of the president turned out to be staged. The controversy emerged after it was discovered that President Bush had written down a list of pizza toppings before he placed the call.
42. Posted by tacitblue | October 14, 2005 11:31 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:31
43. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 11:32 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
".... and send the Helen Thomas impersonator in the cake to 15 Old House Lane, Chappaqua NY."
43. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 11:32 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:32
44. Posted by tacitblue | October 14, 2005 11:47 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Whenever he's feeling down George Bush conference calls Al Gore and John Kerry so he can hear the white house operator tell them to "please hold for The President".
44. Posted by tacitblue | October 14, 2005 11:47 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:47
45. Posted by Randy | October 14, 2005 11:52 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
WHAASSSSSSUUUUUP!
45. Posted by Randy | October 14, 2005 11:52 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:52
46. Posted by tacitblue | October 14, 2005 11:54 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Yeah, I'm gonna need you guys to come in here. Barney Frank is naked in my office again.
46. Posted by tacitblue | October 14, 2005 11:54 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 11:54
47. Posted by tacitblue | October 14, 2005 12:00 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
...OK, I'll consider it and I look forward to your report. By the way, about this Supreme Court vacancy, that lady down the hall that wears the colorful scarves is a lawyer isn't she?
47. Posted by tacitblue | October 14, 2005 12:00 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:00
48. Posted by yetanotherjohn | October 14, 2005 12:02 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
What do you mean you were just kidding around when you put Miers on your list Harry?
48. Posted by yetanotherjohn | October 14, 2005 12:02 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:02
49. Posted by AR | October 14, 2005 12:08 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Yeah, Jenna... it's Dad. Hey, how would you like to be the next attorney general of the United States?
49. Posted by AR | October 14, 2005 12:08 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:08
50. Posted by Stephen Macklin | October 14, 2005 12:12 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
No,
I don't want to change my long distance service.
50. Posted by Stephen Macklin | October 14, 2005 12:12 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:12
51. Posted by Aaron's cc: | October 14, 2005 12:21 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
So Abdullah... how much more do you want us to carve off Israel for nothing in return? I'll get Condi right on it. [pause] Aw, come on... do I HAVE to? [pause] Oh, alright... if you insist... There is no other God but Allah and Muhammad is his prophet.
51. Posted by Aaron's cc: | October 14, 2005 12:21 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:21
52. Posted by retired military | October 14, 2005 12:22 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hello? Senator Kennedy nice to speak with you again, how is that education bill coming? Good Good. So what do I owe the pleasure of this call? Oh Souter is announcing his retirement tomorrow and since Harry Reid had the last pick you want your turn. Well I think we can do that as long as she fits my criteria.
Who's that you say? Now why would I make that choice? Well, yes a lawyer is a good choice, and that candidate is definitely under the radar, and I am sure that a few democratic Senators would approve of the pick. I see your point and your right would help out in the '08 Presidential race too
Well Senator Kennedy I will have to think on it. I mean how will it look if the press finds out I selected Hillary for the Supreme Court and it would clear the way for your man Kerry to get the Democratic nod. Why I would get all that criticism from the press about muddling with the democratic presidential primaries.
Have a good day Ted.
52. Posted by retired military | October 14, 2005 12:22 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:22
53. Posted by tacitblue | October 14, 2005 12:24 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...
53. Posted by tacitblue | October 14, 2005 12:24 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:24
54. Posted by McGehee | October 14, 2005 12:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Bush records a greeting for his answering machine: "Hello, you've reached the White House. I can't come to the phone right now so please just wait for the tone and then leave your name and phone number, and a brief description of your Supreme Court qualifications, we'll be sure and get right back to you."
54. Posted by McGehee | October 14, 2005 12:27 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:27
55. Posted by McGehee | October 14, 2005 12:30 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Yeah, it's a great movie. Yeah, that crazy girl really kicked ass didn't she? Yeah, I thought that was the best line in the movie. Listen, it's been great talkin' to ya, but I'm afraid you got the wrong number."
55. Posted by McGehee | October 14, 2005 12:30 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:30
56. Posted by Peter F. | October 14, 2005 12:33 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Dick? Yeah, OK, so what's the little red button do again?"
56. Posted by Peter F. | October 14, 2005 12:33 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:33
57. Posted by CollegePundit | October 14, 2005 12:33 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"They cow says... MOOOO!" *
"The chicken says... Bok bok!"
"The Left says...we question the timing!"
"The Hippie says... Heyyy man, Abu Ghraaaaaib!"
- - - - -
*Special Vegetarian Edition*
"The soy cow says...Meh."
(yeah, I know, I borrowed it from DieselSweeties.com)
57. Posted by CollegePundit | October 14, 2005 12:33 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:33
58. Posted by ThatGayConservative | October 14, 2005 12:45 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hey FreakyBoy,
You should have added "Para Espanol, marque numero tres." (SP?)
58. Posted by ThatGayConservative | October 14, 2005 12:45 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:45
59. Posted by tony | October 14, 2005 12:58 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"I just called... to say... I love yooouuu..."
or, of course:
"You are so f'in hot. Just look at me if you agree with anything I've said and say 'yes' to me... and wink. I want to f'in go crazy with you...drive you nuts."
59. Posted by tony | October 14, 2005 12:58 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:58
60. Posted by stan25 | October 14, 2005 12:58 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hey Gerhardt ole boy. How does it feel to be in the same boat as Howeird Dean and Algore?
60. Posted by stan25 | October 14, 2005 12:58 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:58
61. Posted by Wonder Woman | October 14, 2005 12:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Heck ya! I wanna hit 'em with everything we've got. How many of them nucular missiles would it take to show 'em the real will o' God? I've been talking to him, and he told me "drop the hammer, Bushie!"
61. Posted by Wonder Woman | October 14, 2005 12:59 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 12:59
62. Posted by Scott | October 14, 2005 1:00 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Karl, wasn't Captain Piccard and those other X-Men people supposed to be here by now?"
62. Posted by Scott | October 14, 2005 1:00 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 13:00
63. Posted by Yogurt | October 14, 2005 1:03 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Yes Gerhart, I've had the pleasure of the aquaintance of some great leaders, unfortunately, you're not one of them. Have a nice retirement."
63. Posted by Yogurt | October 14, 2005 1:03 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 13:03
64. Posted by Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith | October 14, 2005 1:09 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The Phrase that Pays is "KGOP plays more rock with less talk!"
64. Posted by Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith | October 14, 2005 1:09 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 13:09
65. Posted by Tom | October 14, 2005 1:38 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Yea, this line in the speech, "...mastication of Ms. Miers' misstating myriad must..." Are you kidding? I'll Peter Piper your ass!
65. Posted by Tom | October 14, 2005 1:38 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 13:38
66. Posted by JAT0 | October 14, 2005 1:45 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hell-OH Chancellor Schroeder – OH Gosh! I’m sorry, I forgot you’re a looser! Say, while I gottcha on the phone Gearhead do you have Merkel’s number?
66. Posted by JAT0 | October 14, 2005 1:45 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 13:45
67. Posted by No One of Consequence | October 14, 2005 1:55 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hello, and welcome to MoviePhone"
67. Posted by No One of Consequence | October 14, 2005 1:55 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 13:55
68. Posted by Howie | October 14, 2005 2:23 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Sorry Monica, Bill no longer lives here. Uh, no I don't want to undressed."
68. Posted by Howie | October 14, 2005 2:23 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 14:23
69. Posted by Charles Versteege | October 14, 2005 2:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Bonejur. I was trying to get the Paris Hilton. Who's this?"
"Paris Hilton. Who's this?"
69. Posted by Charles Versteege | October 14, 2005 2:25 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 14:25
70. Posted by sortapundit | October 14, 2005 2:26 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"You win this round, Krazy Glue..."
70. Posted by sortapundit | October 14, 2005 2:26 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 14:26
71. Posted by jmaster | October 14, 2005 2:38 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The hell you say, Mom! You actually got that "Cleveland Steamer" reference?
71. Posted by jmaster | October 14, 2005 2:38 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 14:38
72. Posted by Falze | October 14, 2005 2:42 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Actual Caption: The President offers congratulations to Germany's new Chancellor.
Mainstream Press Caption: Bushie, on vacation again to avoid the miasma of corruption swirling around his 2nd alleged term, sitting behind a mockup of a real desk in a mockup of the real Oval Office, is seen here smashing a telephone receiver against his face trying to activate it, ignoring and looking away from the small, numbered buttons that most persons of normal intelligence recognize as the proper means of dialing a modern telephone. It is believed that just off camera is convicted baby-killer, correction, naughty presidential advisor Karl Rove, who was prompting the idiot Bushitler to pretend to correctly operate the telephone to help lower his: "Agree that the President is too stupid to operate a telephone" poll numbers of MoveOn.org member unregistered unlikely voters recently touted on every network's nightly newscast and morning show as well as on the headline of every major newspaper, but the coaching is obviously not going well and appears to be an obvious attempt to cover up for Tom DeLay's mounting pile of heaped up incriminating, damning, indictments that are just piling up as the stench of corruption fills the GOP offices in Washington or possibly to draw attention away from the clearly-doomed-to-fail democracy experiment in Iraq.
---There, I feel better.
72. Posted by Falze | October 14, 2005 2:42 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 14:42
73. Posted by McCain | October 14, 2005 2:43 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Thank you for the flowers, Harriet. It is always a pleasure looking deeply into your heart.
73. Posted by McCain | October 14, 2005 2:43 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 14:43
74. Posted by rick13 | October 14, 2005 3:00 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Just tell the pizza delivery driver that it's the big White building with all the dope smoking hippies protesting outside!
74. Posted by rick13 | October 14, 2005 3:00 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 15:00
75. Posted by markswrite | October 14, 2005 3:20 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Thanks for the flowers, Thorn, but I'm afraid I still can't let you use the White house for a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy show"
75. Posted by markswrite | October 14, 2005 3:20 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 15:20
76. Posted by retired military | October 14, 2005 3:37 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Well Mr Moore, It is a kind offer but I really dont want be a star in your next movie."
-----------
"Hillary we would love for you to bring back the White House momentos you borrowed but I think it will be a bit premature to start measuring the drapes.
-----------
Karl, are you really sure this plan with Harriet is gonna work out as well as the others? I know, I know, just trust you. Okay Karl, we will release a statement that she wont withdraw under any circumstances.
76. Posted by retired military | October 14, 2005 3:37 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 15:37
77. Posted by lowmal | October 14, 2005 3:40 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Well, I'll be durned!! This is an oval office!! Now I get it!!"
77. Posted by lowmal | October 14, 2005 3:40 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 15:40
78. Posted by Jo | October 14, 2005 3:51 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hewitt, the check's in the mail. You've done good. For the next opening on the court, I'm going to nominate Laura and I want you to play up her career as a librarian." He listens and nods. "Yeah, I realize it will cost me triple your going rate. Keep up the good work!"
I really love Hugh Hewitt but I couldn't resist...
78. Posted by Jo | October 14, 2005 3:51 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 15:51
79. Posted by Faith+1 | October 14, 2005 4:22 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Yeah dad, you'd think after successsfully running several businesses, kicking the ass of their favorite Texas Democrat to be Governor and opening fresh cans of whupass in two Presidential elections the Dems would figure out the whole "Dumbass Act" was staged..."
79. Posted by Faith+1 | October 14, 2005 4:22 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 16:22
80. Posted by Smeng | October 14, 2005 4:23 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Banging sound? What banging sound? ....Oh! That!
Thats just Harriet's head hitting the bottom of the desktop...
80. Posted by Smeng | October 14, 2005 4:23 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 16:23
81. Posted by panda man | October 14, 2005 4:48 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"President Bush moments before hosting Weekend Update"
81. Posted by panda man | October 14, 2005 4:48 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 16:48
82. Posted by retired military | October 14, 2005 4:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Alberto, Dont worry, the fix is in I tell you. Harriet will withdraw her name due to health reasons and after what I have put the base through they will welcome you with open arms.
82. Posted by retired military | October 14, 2005 4:50 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 16:50
83. Posted by Watcher | October 14, 2005 5:08 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
“I don't get what the base so dang upset about... I thought they knew when I promised them a strict constructionist, that what I really meant was compassionate constructionist. Ok, time for damage control... let's leak some reports that she's been havin' the stigmata. That would make her sound really super-religious, right?”
83. Posted by Watcher | October 14, 2005 5:08 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 17:08
84. Posted by Spike | October 14, 2005 7:11 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
President Bush watches Chauncey Gardner interview on TV.
84. Posted by Spike | October 14, 2005 7:11 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 19:11
85. Posted by CJ | October 14, 2005 7:22 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Yes, I got them harriet... yes, roses are my favorite too."
85. Posted by CJ | October 14, 2005 7:22 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 19:22
86. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 7:28 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"why did I call Condi? Well Rove tells met the lost Foo-Kowi indians are in grave danger, He said I should call the State Department and ask Where the Foo-Kowi?
86. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 7:28 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 19:28
87. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 7:30 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"So Senator Clinton how was your fishing trip? . . . You say you've got a Sucker on the line?"
87. Posted by Rodney Dill | October 14, 2005 7:30 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 19:30
88. Posted by Whitehall | October 14, 2005 7:30 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Sorry,John, but it is a bit early to offer anyone my endorsement for '08, no matter what Teddy might have been up to."
88. Posted by Whitehall | October 14, 2005 7:30 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 19:30
89. Posted by Sheila | October 14, 2005 7:37 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Knock, knock, who’s there?
89. Posted by Sheila | October 14, 2005 7:37 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 19:37
90. Posted by Sheila | October 14, 2005 7:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Knock, knock, who’s there?
90. Posted by Sheila | October 14, 2005 7:59 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 19:59
91. Posted by Zippy | October 14, 2005 8:39 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Southern Cal +12 points? Sounds good, I'll take Notre Dame in six games.
91. Posted by Zippy | October 14, 2005 8:39 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 20:39
92. Posted by sammy small | October 14, 2005 9:14 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Oh! I thought the song said to call Jenna at 867-5309.
92. Posted by sammy small | October 14, 2005 9:14 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 21:14
93. Posted by stan25 | October 14, 2005 9:15 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hello is this the Bunny Ranch?
………………
I would like to make reservations for a party of 12.
………………………
Teddy Kennedy, Dingy Harry and the rest of the Democrats on the Senate Judicary Committee will be arriving on November 2.
………………………
Oh BTW is there a river near there?
…………………………
Well don’t let Teddy take one of the girls out for a midnight drive
93. Posted by stan25 | October 14, 2005 9:15 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 21:15
94. Posted by sentinel | October 14, 2005 9:24 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Yeah, is this the president of the network? Yeah, well, stage this bitch!!" click
94. Posted by sentinel | October 14, 2005 9:24 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 21:24
95. Posted by JimK | October 14, 2005 9:55 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"No Daddy, I still can't believe it either, but they ain't throwed me out yet!"
95. Posted by JimK | October 14, 2005 9:55 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 21:55
96. Posted by Tom Blogical | October 14, 2005 11:49 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hey Turd Blossom, it's me! Just got off the phone with Dobson about Miers. Well yeah, he bought it...who do you think told him SpongeBob is gay?!"
96. Posted by Tom Blogical | October 14, 2005 11:49 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 23:49
97. Posted by Todd | October 14, 2005 11:51 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Wait a second Laura I need to fart..... Ahhhhh thats better.... Karl come over here for a second, I got something for you.... Heh,heh,heh
97. Posted by Todd | October 14, 2005 11:51 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 14, 2005 23:51
98. Posted by Hermoine | October 15, 2005 12:27 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"A computer beat me at chess once. But, it was no match for me at kick boxing. Heh, heh."
98. Posted by Hermoine | October 15, 2005 12:27 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 00:27
99. Posted by jc | October 15, 2005 1:36 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hi, AOL tech support? I put the free CD you sent me in my computer and clicked on the icon and this counter popped up with a little radioactive symbol next to it. It's counting down. So is it installing?
99. Posted by jc | October 15, 2005 1:36 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 01:36
100. Posted by Chef Sara | October 15, 2005 1:37 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Call Chef Sara to cater my impeachment party!!!!
Crow De Burgo...
1 roadkill crow Texas style
2 ounces butter, melted
2 ounces half-and-half
1/4 teaspoon garlic paste
1/8 teaspoon oregano
1/8 teaspoon sweet basil
1/2 ounce sauterne wine
http://chefsaraskitchen.blogspot.com
100. Posted by Chef Sara | October 15, 2005 1:37 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 01:37
101. Posted by Mr. Right | October 15, 2005 2:53 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hello, Moe's Tavern? Yes, I'm looking for Amanda Hugginkiss... oh, shoot I just screwed it up!"
***********************************
"KBBL's gonna gimme somethin' stupid!... Oh, sorry, Mr. Putin. I'm trying to win an elephant, long story..."
***********************************
"Why, yes, Mr. Rather, I swear to you here and now, live on the air, this is really and truly the President and I am resigning effective tomorrow... um, can you hold on a second? Baba-Boey is on the other line..."
***********************************
"I have a call from who? Who the hell is Spoonie Luv???"
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"Why yes, my refrigerator is running, why do you ask?"
101. Posted by Mr. Right | October 15, 2005 2:53 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 02:53
102. Posted by Roger Fraley | October 15, 2005 9:32 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
President Bush thanks Saddam Hussein for the roses he sent, but informs him that there is really nothing he can do about the trial starting next week. Hussein takes the news poorly.
102. Posted by Roger Fraley | October 15, 2005 9:32 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 09:32
103. Posted by Steve Crickmore | October 15, 2005 9:38 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Pardon, me?.. Who's speaking? Karl, is that you? No, I don't think I can pardon every Tom, Dick and you, Scary. Sure, I know you're all my cronies. And you can judge a man by the friends he keeps. But, I'll have to speak to Harriet about that. Harriet? Damn, where did she go?
103. Posted by Steve Crickmore | October 15, 2005 9:38 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 09:38
104. Posted by Lloyd | October 15, 2005 1:28 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hi, is this Leslie Stahl? Great, listen. Since my setup with those troops went so well, let me fax you a list of questions to ask me on 60 Minutes. And remember, during the story you want to try real hard to pretend that you're happy that democracy has come to Iraq..."
104. Posted by Lloyd | October 15, 2005 1:28 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 13:28
105. Posted by wavemaker | October 15, 2005 1:58 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
.."$50 on SMU and the points, and I'll take the Cowboys to cover for $50..."
105. Posted by wavemaker | October 15, 2005 1:58 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 13:58
106. Posted by shreck | October 15, 2005 2:17 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hey Dick, I've got some great news, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance..."
106. Posted by shreck | October 15, 2005 2:17 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 14:17
107. Posted by retired military | October 15, 2005 2:55 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Saddam! How's it going?
Yeah I know your trial starts soon. Where was the gang of 14 during the Senate vote on the war? Well I see if I can get John McCain to come see you and you can ask him. I mean we know he will do anything for a photo op. No, I cant do any better than that!. Not you too! Look Harriet Mier's credentials are as plain as the WMD on your face.! Have a nice trial towelhead!!"
107. Posted by retired military | October 15, 2005 2:55 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 14:55
108. Posted by fooltomery | October 15, 2005 4:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Yeah, uh-huh, that's right...Harriet! (laughing) Is that a hoot or what? Dang, it's good to be the President."
108. Posted by fooltomery | October 15, 2005 4:59 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 16:59
109. Posted by stan25 | October 15, 2005 5:51 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Karl, now that grand jury thing is over with, could you and Dick Cheney set up that machine to start an earthquake under the office of Ronnie Earle?
………………………………
I don’t care how you do it, just do it and blame it on Hillary.
109. Posted by stan25 | October 15, 2005 5:51 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 17:51
110. Posted by Buckley F. Williams | October 15, 2005 7:56 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Hello is this the head of Nick at Nite?... Yeah, President Bush here.
Listen, I know you don't normally take requests but I would consider it a peronal favor if you could play that episode of Three's Company where they have that big misunderstanding but everything works out in the end.
I see. Umm-hmm. I see. Right.
Gosh I feel silly. Let's just pretend this call never happened ok?"
110. Posted by Buckley F. Williams | October 15, 2005 7:56 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 19:56
111. Posted by Guido | October 15, 2005 8:41 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
(With apologies to the Big Bopper and "Chantilly Lace")
Helllooo baby, yeah, this is the Big W speaking
Oh you sweet thing
Do I what?
Will I what?
Oh baby, you know what I like
(CHORUS:)
To choose my lawyer chick as my Supreme pick
Forget about Janice Rogers Brown
Though my base may squawk, perhaps some even balk
They wouldn't dare to vote you down
Of you they've never heard, so they must trust my word
Because you are my crony they will call you phony
I'll just tell Lott and Frist that you are evangelist
You're my girl, oh baby you're the one I like
What's that Harriet?
You say I'm great, so you I should nominate
But you ain't got noooooooo priors, Miers
(Heh-heh-heh) Oh alright baby, you know what I like
(CHORUS)
111. Posted by Guido | October 15, 2005 8:41 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 20:41
112. Posted by spacemonkey | October 15, 2005 8:42 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
My refrigerator is running again? Which way did it go this time?
112. Posted by spacemonkey | October 15, 2005 8:42 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 20:42
113. Posted by spacemonkey | October 15, 2005 8:51 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Bush: No I don't think "Amanda Holdme" is here but I'll check.
Hey, is Amanda Holdme here?
I need Amanda Holdme right now!
Rove: [off camera] Moron.
113. Posted by spacemonkey | October 15, 2005 8:51 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 20:51
114. Posted by Nicholas | October 15, 2005 9:34 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"So I said to Jerry that he really should send his daughter to a different school but his wife, Shirley, was so set on that one but it's such a terrible shame... oh yes, I know... well you know how girls can be these days... sorry Fred but I really have to go, I promised Tom that I'd tell him the shocking news I heard yesterday from Mavis about the Patterson's son... no I don't know why they let him get away with it either, say hello to the kids from me. Ta-taa!"
114. Posted by Nicholas | October 15, 2005 9:34 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 21:34
115. Posted by charles austin | October 15, 2005 9:41 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Margaret, get me Dan Rather. Oh, and turn on the Mary Mapes voice scrambler. I'm feeling a little mean right now.
115. Posted by charles austin | October 15, 2005 9:41 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 21:41
116. Posted by retired military | October 15, 2005 11:22 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hello. Karl? Hey I need your help again. I need you to make up with official looking dirt on Harriet Miers, backdate it to oh about 1985 or so, yeah the middle of the Reagan years. Then send a faxed copy of it to Bill Burkett in an plain brown envelope. Yeah the same way you did that national guard stuff. You may want to do the same thing with Tom Delay and Ronnie Earl just to help him out a bit. Yeah yeah send it to that news chick in the canoe. The press wont think anything of it. All they have to see is it is a way to get at me so they wont do any fact checking at all. By then it will be too late and they will have Dan Rather doing a comeback reporting breaking news. Okay Karl you know what to do.
116. Posted by retired military | October 15, 2005 11:22 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 15, 2005 23:22
117. Posted by fred a. lawson | October 16, 2005 12:50 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"The only way I'll appear on 60 minutes if Harry Reasner does the interveiw."
117. Posted by fred a. lawson | October 16, 2005 12:50 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 16, 2005 00:50
118. Posted by reds fan | October 16, 2005 2:14 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Pete, I want 25Gs on the Cards...."
118. Posted by reds fan | October 16, 2005 2:14 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 16, 2005 02:14
119. Posted by retired military | October 16, 2005 11:28 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Scene: A week prior to nominating Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court President Bush receives a strange phone call.
"Hello. Yes, I have made up mind. It is going to be Janice Rogers Brown. I understand. She is not the one I am looking for. She should go about her business. The one I am looking for is Harriet Miers. Of Course. I understand. After I hang up I will forget that I ever received a phone call from Harriet's twin brother."
Photo of Harriet Miers.
http://www.jeffarnold.net/pics/sith1.jpg
Photo of her twin brother
http://www.jeffarnold.net/pics/sith2.jpg
119. Posted by retired military | October 16, 2005 11:28 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 16, 2005 11:28
120. Posted by retired military | October 16, 2005 6:22 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hey Scott. How's it going? Hey you know we got this new get to know Harriet campaign kicking off this week and I need to know the talking points.
Lets see. She worked with me for 10 years. Got it.
She was first woman in charge of the Texas Bar. Got it.
A lot of Supreme Court justices havent been judges in the past. Got it.
Hey Scott these are the same things we have been saying and they smell like last month's BBQ. You got anything different for me.
Her middle name isnt Day. Hey that is a new one. Good job. Keep up the good work.
120. Posted by retired military | October 16, 2005 6:22 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 16, 2005 18:22
121. Posted by spacemonkey | October 16, 2005 10:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Your program'll double my IQ or no money back?
Sounds good to me!
121. Posted by spacemonkey | October 16, 2005 10:50 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 16, 2005 22:50
122. Posted by Kevin | October 17, 2005 1:01 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Update: Winners announced (click the link to read the winning entries). Entries are now closed.
122. Posted by Kevin | October 17, 2005 1:01 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 17, 2005 01:01