Austin Bay is soliciting serious nominations to who should succeed the depressed Kofi Annan as Secretary General of the United Nations. I was about to make my own nominations when I noticed that darn word "serious."
So there's the newest Wizbang contest -- nominate the next Secretary General. Be sure to give your nominee's qualifications, as well. And with luck, I'll announce the winners on Thursday.
Here's a few examples to get you started:
Yassir Arafat: they loved him so much when he was alive, let them deal with his rotting corpse.
Scott Peterson: not only would running the UN be, most likely, a fate worse than death, but the former fertilizer salesman is used to to dealing with that kind of BS.
Bobcat Goldthwait: Not only would sending a comedian to the UN send exactly the right message, they'd have to hire yet more translators to understand what he was telling them.
J.
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Comments (63)
John Kerry- if he actually ... (Below threshold)1. Posted by bullwinkle | March 29, 2005 11:15 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
John Kerry- if he actually wins something maybe he'll STFU and go away. Speaking French is a definite plus, and we all know he has the backing of several foreign leaders, we just don't know who they are.
1. Posted by bullwinkle | March 29, 2005 11:15 AM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 11:15
2. Posted by mojo | March 29, 2005 11:21 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The Manolo - some of those delegates are simply fashion disasters!
2. Posted by mojo | March 29, 2005 11:21 AM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 11:21
3. Posted by reliapundit | March 29, 2005 11:31 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Paul Volker
Dr. Zalmay Khalilzad
Oscar Arias Sánchez
Lech Walesa
Tony Blair (if he loses or when he steps down)
Koizumi (if he loses or when he stpes down)
John Howard (when he steps down)
3. Posted by reliapundit | March 29, 2005 11:31 AM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 11:31
4. Posted by BumperStickerist | March 29, 2005 11:41 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Bono ~ Because, c'mon man, he's Bono!
4. Posted by BumperStickerist | March 29, 2005 11:41 AM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 11:41
5. Posted by Robert | March 29, 2005 11:43 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Martha Stewart
Paris Hilton/Nicole Ritchie (both of them together).
5. Posted by Robert | March 29, 2005 11:43 AM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 11:43
6. Posted by TC@LeatherPenguin | March 29, 2005 11:44 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Weird Al: Yanklevich
6. Posted by TC@LeatherPenguin | March 29, 2005 11:44 AM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 11:44
7. Posted by Chevy | March 29, 2005 11:45 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Michael Jackson -- We know he will wade right into the middle of the child sex scandal in Congo.
7. Posted by Chevy | March 29, 2005 11:45 AM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 11:45
8. Posted by Darcey | March 29, 2005 12:20 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Bill Clinton - we know he will do a "honourable" job
8. Posted by Darcey | March 29, 2005 12:20 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 12:20
9. Posted by mesablue | March 29, 2005 12:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I'll second Martha Stewart -- she's already under home monitoring so we'll know where she is at all times, she's a proven liar, she knows what a prison looks like from the inside (hopefully, Kofi and Kojo will as well) and dammit, "that bitch can do anything".
9. Posted by mesablue | March 29, 2005 12:27 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 12:27
10. Posted by mesablue | March 29, 2005 12:29 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Dan Rather -- he's available.
10. Posted by mesablue | March 29, 2005 12:29 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 12:29
11. Posted by The Man | March 29, 2005 12:34 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hunter Thompson.... because a nutjob with a hole in his head is still better than Kofi Annan.
Ward Churchill... but according to his resume', he was already Secretary General of the United Nations.
11. Posted by The Man | March 29, 2005 12:34 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 12:34
12. Posted by Laurence Simon | March 29, 2005 12:38 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Korean stand-up comedian Johnny Yune.
"I'm Yune of the UN!"
12. Posted by Laurence Simon | March 29, 2005 12:38 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 12:38
13. Posted by JAT0 | March 29, 2005 12:56 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
There can only be one: Kojo Annan. After all he was born into the job, knows how to get things done in true UN fashion, and he's already on the payroll. Look at the money the UN could save on stationary too!
13. Posted by JAT0 | March 29, 2005 12:56 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 12:56
14. Posted by Murdoc | March 29, 2005 1:04 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Murdoc
14. Posted by Murdoc | March 29, 2005 1:04 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 13:04
15. Posted by Pat Downing | March 29, 2005 1:08 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The late Sam Kinison, he who told the starving masses in Africa to get into a bunch of trucks and get the.... OUTTA there. It's a freakin DESERT! Nothin's gonna grow there, ever. See this..it's SAND!SAND!!!! Load those people on those trucks and get them OUTTA there!
15. Posted by Pat Downing | March 29, 2005 1:08 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 13:08
16. Posted by Scott | March 29, 2005 1:36 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Duck Dodgers. Forget about international relations, just think what he could do for interplanetary relations. Why before you know it, we'd be having Martian sex scandals, and wondering where exactly the "Money for Dilithium Crystals" went.
16. Posted by Scott | March 29, 2005 1:36 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 13:36
17. Posted by ClusterChuck | March 29, 2005 1:37 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Why, Boutros-Boutros, by golly!
17. Posted by ClusterChuck | March 29, 2005 1:37 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 13:37
18. Posted by Rick13 | March 29, 2005 1:40 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Michael Schiavo:
If any nation refuses to go along with any U.N. resolutions, he will cut off all their nutrition and hydration!
18. Posted by Rick13 | March 29, 2005 1:40 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 13:40
19. Posted by Headzero | March 29, 2005 1:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Michael Moore - that way the head of the UN can hate America as much as America hates him.
19. Posted by Headzero | March 29, 2005 1:50 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 13:50
20. Posted by Insomniac | March 29, 2005 2:10 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
George Felos. Nobody has as deep an appreciation for the beauty of human suffering.
20. Posted by Insomniac | March 29, 2005 2:10 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 29, 2005 14:10
21. Posted by Daniel | March 29, 2005 2:11 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Myself, because I see the UN for what it really is: a horrible joke. That, and it would piss off a bunch of liberals.
21. Posted by Daniel | March 29, 2005 2:11 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 14:11
22. Posted by TheEnigma | March 29, 2005 2:20 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jimmy (Peanut Brain) Carter - he is already convinced that the US Government should be replaced with the UN
22. Posted by TheEnigma | March 29, 2005 2:20 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 14:20
23. Posted by JaySwash | March 29, 2005 2:26 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Michael Schiavo - Hey if he can make himself the long suffering hero for starving his wife to death imagine what he could do with the Oil for Money scandal...
23. Posted by JaySwash | March 29, 2005 2:26 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 14:26
24. Posted by Ira | March 29, 2005 2:33 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Oliver Willis - a know-it-all who (apparently) would never insult a foreign dignitary by turning down a plateful of anything, a man who already thinks Bush is a boob and seems willing to give the USA no benefit of the doubt, a man who will never give up the hope that dictators are really just misunderstood people with the potential to become good, and a man who can further the noble cause of making the UN completely irrelevant. Or Jimmy Carter if Oliver is unavailable.
24. Posted by Ira | March 29, 2005 2:33 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 14:33
25. Posted by McGehee | March 29, 2005 2:44 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Me.
Why should other people always get the graft, dammit? It's my turn!
25. Posted by McGehee | March 29, 2005 2:44 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 14:44
26. Posted by Just Me | March 29, 2005 2:44 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jaques Chirac-because deep down inside he knows he wants to really be kind of the world, and being Sec General will at least give him the illusion of holding that office.
26. Posted by Just Me | March 29, 2005 2:44 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 14:44
27. Posted by wayne | March 29, 2005 2:51 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I think Al Sharpton will be the only one who could carry the legacy and traditions of Annon and the U.N. in a way that will move progressively forward with the examples Annon has set.
27. Posted by wayne | March 29, 2005 2:51 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 14:51
28. Posted by Kadnine | March 29, 2005 3:16 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
A pet rock - Hey! If the UN is stuck in the politics of the 1970s then give them a true icon.
28. Posted by Kadnine | March 29, 2005 3:16 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 15:16
29. Posted by Al | March 29, 2005 3:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rumsfeld.
After they cart off the people who have heart attacks, cleaning up the place will be easier.
29. Posted by Al | March 29, 2005 3:25 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 15:25
30. Posted by Al | March 29, 2005 3:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hmm.
Or Condaleeza Rice.
30. Posted by Al | March 29, 2005 3:27 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 15:27
31. Posted by Stan25 | March 29, 2005 3:34 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Usama Bin Laden!!!!!! He hates the United States and what better way to do what he wants and get away with it, because of Diplomatic Immunity. For that matter, Usama could hire Abu Zarqawi as his number 2 guy and then we would know where the both of them are. rotflo
31. Posted by Stan25 | March 29, 2005 3:34 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 15:34
32. Posted by Jim | March 29, 2005 3:38 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Okay, here are my nominees:
Saddam Hussein -- because liberals worked so hard to save his regime, now they can work hard to save his UN.
Fidel Castro -- Why not, Libs love the guy.
32. Posted by Jim | March 29, 2005 3:38 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 15:38
33. Posted by MMM | March 29, 2005 3:42 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Bob Dornan - when you really want to shake things up, send in a B1.
33. Posted by MMM | March 29, 2005 3:42 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 15:42
34. Posted by Laurence Simon | March 29, 2005 3:57 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Now that I think of it, Saeb Erekat isn't doing much these days... and it's pretty much the same as having Arafat up there, without the drycleaning bills for the tablecloth on his head.
34. Posted by Laurence Simon | March 29, 2005 3:57 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 15:57
35. Posted by KBiel | March 29, 2005 4:19 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Margaret Thatcher: I'll bet the Iron Lady can still knock some heads together even in her advanced age.
35. Posted by KBiel | March 29, 2005 4:19 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 29, 2005 16:19
36. Posted by -S- | March 29, 2005 5:01 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ted Turner, because he just loves to throw bad money after badder.
36. Posted by -S- | March 29, 2005 5:01 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 17:01
37. Posted by -S- | March 29, 2005 5:02 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Insomniac wins (^^)!!
37. Posted by -S- | March 29, 2005 5:02 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 17:02
38. Posted by Mick Wallace | March 29, 2005 5:04 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I'd like to nominate Margaret Cho.
I'm an optimist. She isn't very good at comedy but maybe she'll do better at something as inconsequential as the U.N...
38. Posted by Mick Wallace | March 29, 2005 5:04 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 17:04
39. Posted by McTrip | March 29, 2005 5:16 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
One of the Simpsons - either Homer, Bart or - maybe better still - OJ.
39. Posted by McTrip | March 29, 2005 5:16 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 17:16
40. Posted by Loon | March 29, 2005 5:22 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jointly: Peter Jennings and Hanan Ashrawi : such chemistry, such passion, such feeling........[pass the sick bag, Alice]
40. Posted by Loon | March 29, 2005 5:22 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 17:22
41. Posted by Steven L. | March 29, 2005 6:23 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Dan Rather.
First, he has the free time.
Second, he would be right there to investigate any new scandals. "I would love to break the story about how that $3 bilion dollars went missing, $4 million of it ended up in my bank account, and those three flemish hookers ended up in my hotel room."
41. Posted by Steven L. | March 29, 2005 6:23 PM |
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Posted on March 29, 2005 18:23
42. Posted by Jinx McHue | March 29, 2005 6:24 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ooo! I get to do the "Obvious Attempt at the Suck Up Award:"
Jay Tea
42. Posted by Jinx McHue | March 29, 2005 6:24 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 29, 2005 18:24
43. Posted by Jinx McHue | March 29, 2005 6:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
And no, he don't need no steenking qualifications.
43. Posted by Jinx McHue | March 29, 2005 6:25 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 29, 2005 18:25
44. Posted by Laura Lee Donoho | March 29, 2005 6:55 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Lieutenant General Claudia J. Kennedy. She's a general who should have been a secretary.
44. Posted by Laura Lee Donoho | March 29, 2005 6:55 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 29, 2005 18:55
45. Posted by mesablue | March 29, 2005 7:09 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Johnnie Cochran -- Doh! Too late, sorry.
45. Posted by mesablue | March 29, 2005 7:09 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 29, 2005 19:09
46. Posted by Beloved Leader | March 29, 2005 7:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
John Bolton! Because he slices like a freakin' hammer!
46. Posted by Beloved Leader | March 29, 2005 7:50 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 29, 2005 19:50
47. Posted by Collin Baber | March 29, 2005 8:56 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Someone eccentric, like Bobby Fischer.
47. Posted by Collin Baber | March 29, 2005 8:56 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 29, 2005 20:56
48. Posted by S.K. | March 29, 2005 10:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ben Affleck, Bombs for everyone!
48. Posted by S.K. | March 29, 2005 10:50 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 29, 2005 22:50
49. Posted by E. Nough | March 29, 2005 11:46 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Boutros Boutros-Ghali: It's fun to say, it's fun to chant, and he's got the experience.
49. Posted by E. Nough | March 29, 2005 11:46 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 29, 2005 23:46
50. Posted by mesablue | March 30, 2005 12:10 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ooo! I get to do the "Obvious Attempt at the Suck Up Award:"
Jay Tea
Ooh, I was going to do that, but I got the last suck up/insult award.
C'mon Jay, when you are done running Ted's campaign, you could do the commute. Pretty good perks too. Got any sons?
P.S. your little form tool doesn't allow for line breaks, I get insulted when I have to enter html by hand. Too old for this shit
50. Posted by mesablue | March 30, 2005 12:10 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 30, 2005 00:10
51. Posted by mesablue | March 30, 2005 12:11 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
.
51. Posted by mesablue | March 30, 2005 12:11 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 30, 2005 00:11
52. Posted by Rod Stanton | March 30, 2005 7:06 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Chapaquidick Ted He knows how to get away with murder.
52. Posted by Rod Stanton | March 30, 2005 7:06 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 30, 2005 07:06
53. Posted by Maggie | March 30, 2005 12:07 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Helen Thomas - She has an opinion on everything...her opinions are always correct...she hates Bush.
53. Posted by Maggie | March 30, 2005 12:07 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 30, 2005 12:07
54. Posted by Maggie | March 30, 2005 12:14 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ramsey Clarke - Beloved by Old Europe and dictators around the world, he holds the appropriate anti-American positions.
54. Posted by Maggie | March 30, 2005 12:14 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 30, 2005 12:14
55. Posted by Maggie | March 30, 2005 12:17 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Maureen Dowd - Crazy is as crazy does....Who better to lead the asylum.
55. Posted by Maggie | March 30, 2005 12:17 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 30, 2005 12:17
56. Posted by Stan25 | March 30, 2005 3:58 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hillary. She will ban mini-skirts so that her nuts won’t show.
56. Posted by Stan25 | March 30, 2005 3:58 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 30, 2005 15:58
57. Posted by Insomniac | March 30, 2005 4:06 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
S - thanks for the vote of confidence!
57. Posted by Insomniac | March 30, 2005 4:06 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 30, 2005 16:06
58. Posted by Maggie | March 30, 2005 7:23 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Richard Gere -- He has already informed the Palestinians he speaks for the whole world. Now he deserves the UN title to go with his "reality".
58. Posted by Maggie | March 30, 2005 7:23 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 30, 2005 19:23
59. Posted by JD | March 30, 2005 10:54 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ted Turner. Who wouldn't want to see the General Assembly doing the ole Tomahawk Chop whenever they pass a resolution against Israel?
Ohhhhhh, oh OH-oh-oh-oh,
Ohhhhhh, Oh, Ohhhhhhh.
59. Posted by JD | March 30, 2005 10:54 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 30, 2005 22:54
60. Posted by BR | March 31, 2005 8:15 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jerry Lewis - beloved by the French - and he can save us a lot of money by broadcasting a 365-day telethon for the UN, 24 hours a day on CNN - only to pro-UN countries.
60. Posted by BR | March 31, 2005 8:15 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 31, 2005 08:15
61. Posted by BR | March 31, 2005 8:21 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jerry Lewis for UN Secretary General: campaign poster.
61. Posted by BR | March 31, 2005 8:21 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 31, 2005 08:21
62. Posted by GT | March 31, 2005 10:54 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Just pick someone at random, with one "negative filter"; anyone who expresses affiliation with any political party should be excluded. That way, megalomaniacs would - on balance - be filtered out, and so would soft-headed morons who view politics the way normal people view sporting contests.
In its current structure, the UN is almost as pointless as the scum who run the UN's member States - economic parasites to a man (just like ALL poiticians). As for the latter, their only contribution is to fuck up our lives in new and interesting ways, and to increase the share of taxes in GDP (and/or to try and violate intertemporal budget constraints) in order to better fatten the wallets of their corporate paymasters (I shreik this as a dedicated capitalist who actually recognises CRONY capitalism when he sees it).
Cheerio,
GT.
62. Posted by GT | March 31, 2005 10:54 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 31, 2005 22:54
63. Posted by James | April 1, 2005 5:12 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I second the Arafat nomination: at least a dead guy is less likely to embezzle, and when they commit crimes against humanity, they can legitimately he was unaware of it.
Failing that, my nomination would be Jeff Weise -- maybe he'd manage to cap a few ambassadors before the security guards took him down.
63. Posted by James | April 1, 2005 5:12 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 1, 2005 17:12