It's a little late, but I finally got around to reviewing the entrants in the Worst Celebrity Endorsement contest, and lemme tell you, you people are disgusting.

As is my wont, I'm going to skip the "first/second/third prizes" and simply give all special awards.

The "Truth is Scarier Than Fiction" award goes to bullwinkle for "Hello, I'm Howard Dean, national chairman for the Democrat Party," largely by popular acclaim.

The "Gouge My Eyes Out With A Rusty Spoon" award goes to Robert, for "Hello, this is Michael Moore and I am here to demonstrate the healing powers of Gold Bond Medicated Jock-Itch cream."

S.K. gets the "Vincent Van Gogh Had The Right Idea" award for "This is William Hung. She Bangs. She Bangs. He Bangs. With Viagra."

The "Fish Without A Bicycle" Award goes to Maggie, for "Ellen Degeneres: "Viagra...so every man can finally get it UP.""

The "Insult Your Hosts To Fame And Fortune" award goes to mesablue, for "Hi I'm Jay Tea, spokesperson for the Committee to Re-elect Ted Kennedy." Runner-up goes to OregonMuse, for "Hi, I'm Paul Wizbang and I just LOOOVE my new Dell Computer with Windows XP, the best operating system known to man..."

The "I Almost Used This As An Example, But I Had Too Many Black Men Already" award goes to Eric, for "OJ Simpson here, for Ginsu knives."

Jon Henke grabs the "Blatant Suck-Up Award" for "I'm Kevin Aylward, on behalf of Blogger."

The "There Goes My Appetite" goes to Richard Sharpe for "I'm Jeffrey Dahmer, and I'd like to talk to you today about Hungry-Man Meals..." Richard, I think "Manwich" or "Man-Handler" woulda garnered you the cherished Pukeapalooza Award...

... which was claimed by JD, for "Wide shot of two women walking down a beach...
Chelsea Clinton: "Mom, do you douche?""

Jinx McHue garners the "Silence Is Golden" Award for "Announcer: "And now an important message about Hooked on Phonics by Marcel Marceau.""

The Laurence Simon Sick And Twisted Bastard Award goes to Noway, for "Don't go overboard on cruise packages! Hi, I'm Leon Klinghoffer and you can take if from me: you can't go lower than the rock bottom prices at Lauro Lines."

I'd thank everyone for playing along, but I'm still busy cleaning up my breakfast. Stay tuned for another new contest on Tuesday.

Maybe.

J.