2001: A Space Cowboy
Clint Eastwood goes mano e mano with a star child on the surface of the Europa Monolith.

BraveHeartBeeps
Andy Kaufman leads a Scottish rebellion against England. His first offensive is him, alone, outside the castle walls, reading The Canterbury Tales to an unappreciative crowd.

Saving Private Ryan's Song
A unit of soldiers go behind enemy lines to save one, but he turns out to be tragically dying of cancer.

Resident Evil That Men Do
Charles Bronson comes back to life as a zombie, and tracks down and kills the directors of shitty movies.

Gone With the Wind in the Willows
Rat and Mole's misadventures keep getting interrupted by those pesky northerners, and a bitch named Scarlet.

Snow White Noise
A wicked Queen thinks the dead speak to her through her mirror, but only at certain times of the day. Her daughter, after first running away, has her put in the nuthouse.

Double Team America
Jean Claude Van Damme is besieged by a team of puppet anti-terror warriors, who are convinced he has a nefarious plot to destroy the world.

Remains of the Day After Tomorrow
Years after the global freeze, a proper British butler tries to rekindle an old flame, and flashes back to when he and she ate their employer to survive the freeze.

The Last Rocky Horror Picture Show: Just like the original but set in Texas with Sybil Sheppard starring as Janet and Jefff Bridges as Dr. Dr. Frank-N-Furter.

Breakfast Club at Tiffany's
Holly Golightly and Paul Varjak spend all day at Tiffany's moaning about how their parents just don't understand them. Varjak is especially incensed about getting a pack of Dunhills for Christmas.

The Empire Strikes Back to the Future

Luke Skywalker goes back in time to build up Anakin Skywalker's confidence toward Padme Amidala, and to talk him out of that whole dark side of the Force thing.

This is like eating potato chips: you can't stop after you start and there are never enough of them to go around.

Anyway, a few, cursory entries...

Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte's Web

Aged movie star saves her home and legacy from the ill mannered indignity of a being misrepresented in an animated feature film nightmare, while crushing naysaying relative scriptwriter, Carrie Fisher, who fails to secure the contract to write anything, ever again and is written out of Charlotte's will through the delft assistance of an English journalist wandering among genres.

A Bridge Too Far on the River Kwai

Attempts to capture a bridge in Germany fail when it is discovered that the bridge is actually in Southeast Asia and that Sean Connery was outacted by Sir Alec Guinness many years earlier than the capture attempts began.

A Star Is Born In The English Patient

Ill fated lovers fail to reach mutual success because one of them continuously sings song titles that no one can identify despite an overwhelming sympathy for him as one who is badly scarred by multi-national consequences from singing off key but who loves the limelight anyway. "We planned badly," he says to his ill-fated lover, who goes on to star in his off-key dreams forever more.

Fight Club Dread
A group of would-be anarchists led by a schizophrenic madman descend upon a hedonistic island paradise for swingers. Members of Project Mayhem quickly realize that their anger is seriously misdirected.

Dark City Lights - An amnesiac Tramp wakes up in a bathtub, searching for his beloved blind flower girl while alien forces pursue them both as part of a grim cosmic experiment.

School of The Rock
Jack Black and a team of middle-schoolers rescue a group of tourists held hostage on Alcatraz.

Sling Blade Trinity - The Vampire Hunter teams up with a retarded murderer to save the human species and cheese-covered potatoes.

One that I posted over at ASV...

Split Second To Die Another Day Of The Jackal

A blonde hottie who married for money hires an assassin to kill her husband, Charles De Gaulle. It's up to a suave master spy & an on-the-edge cop obsessed with firepower & the occult to stop her.

Kurosawa Time!

Throne Of Blood Beach

An ambitious Japanese lord murders his king to rule over a resort village haunted by a bad paper mache' monster.

Green Legend RAN
Rebels fight against a group that has sucked up all of Earths resources. The bad guys turn out to be the two evil sons of a good king who abdicated the throne. In a suprise twist, the (now blind) king & his good son are really leading the rebellion.

The Seven Samurai Assassin
A quirky group of mercenary swordsmen come together to defend a village and to murder the head of the House of Li during Commodore Perry's visit. One of them may be a traitor to the cause.

Yojimbo Hao
An escaped peasant turns rival gangs against each other in a bid to reach the top of the Hong Kong underworld. His paranoia on reaching that goal brings it all down around him.

Batman Forever Young Frankenstein

After an accident, Selena Kyle/Catwoman falls into a coma and a grief-stricken Bruce Wayne/Batman volunteers to be cryogenically frozen by a descendant of Victor Frankenstein. He is revived 50 years later by a couple of kids, but unfortunately, his brain has been accidentally replaced with Abby Normal's.

The last of my Kurosawa flicks segues into Hong Kong action flicks!

The Replacements Killers
When an honorable hitman won't murder the son of a pro-football scab, the NFL boss brings in hitmen who'll do the job. It's up to John Lee and a hot female forger to stop them.

Hard Boiler Room
A decent kid finds out the dark secrets behind the brokerage firm he works for. He teams up with a trigger-happy Hong kong cop to bring them down.

For A Better Tomorrow Never Dies
Ditch Brosnan & Hatcher... and show more of Yeoh!

Born on the Fourth of Jumanji

A disabled Vietnam vet opens up a gateway to another world via a board game.

Terms of EnDeer Hunter

A mother and daughter from rough steel town in Pennsylvanie find joy, love, and sorrow in a game of Russian Roulette.

Rain Manaconda

A man takes his brother, a giant deadly autistic snake, to Las Vegas.

Waking Life of Brian

Is this mistaken identity messiah sleep walking through his life, or wake walking through his dreams?

Kill Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

California surfers are hunted down by a vengeance seeking, Japanese sword wielding blonde. Excellent!

Glengarry Met Sally

Real estate salesmen and the love they keep missing out on. New Year's Eve at Mitch and Murray's. Memorable quote- "This stupid, wagon wheel, Roy Rogers, garage sale COFFEE IS FOR CLOSERS!"

12 Angry Men and a Baby

Twelve bachelors find themselves forced to take care of a baby during a murder trial.

Indiana Jones and the Last Temptation of Christ

Indy searches for the Holy Grail in the arms of Mary Magdalene. With Sean Connery as Mary.

Dr. Strangebrew

Why Canada doesn't have nuclear weapons.

Species Having a Baby

A story of a young, insecure hopeful mother coming to terms with life with Kevin Bacon and her life as an armor-plated killing machine as she attempts to breed.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures of Bronco Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey to the Center of the Earth vs. Flying Saucers

Two young stoned slackers visit outer space, repeatedly.

Animal House of 1000 Corpses

Neidermeyer's revenge.

Waterworld Down Kevin Costner leads a bunch of animated rabbits to a new home on a planet covered with water (and red ink).

The Eyes of Laura Mars Attacks: Faye Dunaway leads an invasion of the earth.

Life Is Hard And Then You Die Hard 4

John McCain is a cop who gets very busy in his bare feet, then he's a very busy cop at an airport, then he's a very busy cop with a very bad headache in a torn shirt in New York, and then he's a retired cop.

(Love John McCain.)

Spider Man on the Moon

Andy Kaufman takes on the role in the latest Spider Man flick against his new arch nemesis, King O' Cheese (Tony Clifton).

The Madness of King George of the Jungle

A rare blood disease and repeatedly taking tree bark to the noggin at 90 mph takes its toll on ol' George.

All The President's Mystery Men

Bob Woodward and Company get help unveiling Watergate from The Shoveler, Mister Furious, The Spleen and other heroes with useless superpowers.

Quiz Showgirls

A rigged quiz show with bad acting and topless women shakes 1950s society.

All Reservoir Dogs Go to Heaven

Cute, fuzzy, animated mongrels deal with a botched diamond heist.

A Fistful of Million Dollar Babies
No real description here, but worthy of special praise because both movies star Clint Eastwood.

Finding Nemo Forrester

The fish learns to read.

Cheaper by the Dirty Dozen

Clint takes over in the sequel and the kids run the bandidos out of a western town -- and need a bath.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding Singer

Adam Sandler wins the Oscar after gaining 250 lbs. to play the lead role.

Gah . . . blanking a lot. From looking at my DVD collection:

I Love Maria Full of Grace

A robotic Sally Yeh attempts to smuggle drugs out of Colombia.

He's a Woman, She's a Man on Fire

Anita Yuen enacts bloody revenge on behalf of a kidnapped child while falling for a cross-dressing Leslie Cheung.

My Sassy Girl with a Pearl Earring

Vermeer paints Jeon Jae-hyun.

The Bride with White Hairspray

Brigitte Lin leaves her mom, Divine, to venture out into the dangerous world of segregated Baltimore, culminating in a tragic battle on the set of The Corny Collins Show.

Okay, one more:

Big Momma's House of Flying Daggers

To avoid her would-be captors, Zhang Ziyi pretends to be Martin Lawrence pretending to be a woman.

A Star is Born Free Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Gene Wilder raises a whale cub until she is mature enough to be freed from captivity to run his magical chocolate empire and sing in nightclubs. Co-starring Barbara Streisand as Willy Hoffman.

Slingblade Runner

Karl Deckard is a retarded policeman of the future whose job it is to track down replicants and kill them with lawn mower blades.

The People vs. Larry Flintstones

The biography of a man who goes from his poor job at a gravel pit to the king of pornography. Co-stars Courtney Love as Wilma.

The Fabulous Baker Boyz n the Hood

Small-time pianists hire a gang member for their club act.

The Full Monty Python's The Life of Brian's Song

Naked Englishmen chronicle the history of the NFL.

Mr. Mommy Dearest

A man loses his job and beats his children.

My Left Footloose

A poor, working-class Irishman is born with cerebral palsy and teaches a small midwestern town to dance.

The Killing Fields of Dreams

The history of baseball in Cambodia.

Rocky Horror Picture Perfect

Jennifer Aniston hires a mad scientist to build her a fiancee.

Cujo vs. the Volcano

A large evil dog believes he's going to die.

From Dusk Till Spawn

Seth Simmons is double-crossed and murdered while taking a priest hostage. Arriving in a strip joint in hell, he needs to murder his evil boss to survive.

Howard the Duck Soup
Howard is transported to Freedonia where Beverly is constantly being chased by Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho)

A Man Called Horse Feathers
Richard Harris is captured by Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff (Groucho) and forced to be a jockey.

Go Westworld According to Garp
S. Quentin Quale (Groucho) convinces James Brolin to take a nice vacation in Robin William's house where he is killed by a plane crash.

Matchstick Men in Black
Nick Cage gets caught up in his own con to rip off visiting aliens

Hellboy On A Dolphin--Hellboy searches for treasure, but ogles Sophia Loren instead.

The Grapes of The Wrath of Khan--En route from Oklahoma to California, Tom Joad is pursued relentlessly by a former nemesis bent on revenge.

Cheaper by the Dirty Dozen
Harried father starts a new job while caring for his rambunctious brood of cutthroats, rapists and thieves.

Sherwood Forest Gump

Set in the ancient and whimsical woods of jolly old England, a lively band of thieves beats all the odds, proving that crime really DOES pay when you apply yourself.

Lonely Planet of the Apes

Charlton Heston crash lands on the planet and wanders around for a while without finding anything.

St. Elmo's Fire Down Below: Elmo, of Sesame Street fame, plays a priest who engages in an affair of the heart with nun Valerie Bertinelli.

The Princess Bride of Frankenstein: Robin Wright Penn as the wife of the monster - played here by Michael Moore!

Independence Day of the Dead: Will Smith saves the day when zombies threaten the planet. Who knew cigars could scare the living dead?

My Girl Friday: Anna Chlumsky as the orphaned daughter of Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell in this delightful screwball, coming-of-age comedy.

Murder By Death Of A Salesman

A commercial traveler rings the wrong doorbell.

Look Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf
Precocious newlywed toddlers spend a night of drinking, sex and vicious repartee with a self-loathing academic couple.

DragNetwork

Gannon and Friday bust a network anchorman for inciting viewers to yell out of windows. Bonus tracks include Sargent Friday's lecture on the importance of civic responsibility.

When Dirty Harry Met Sally
Tough cop Harry Callahan hunts down deranged killer and falls in love with perky blond Sally. Includes the famous tagline "I'll have what she's having, punk".

Since Jessica brought in the HK films...

We Are Going To Eat You've Got Mail
A tivo, plasma screen TV and independent power supply fall through a portal in time into the hands of a tribe of Asian cannibals, who determine that You've Got Mail is eye-rippingly horrible.

Tiger on the Beat the Devil
Bogie tries to stop a uranium smuggling scheme and ends up in a chainsaw-swordfight with Chow Yun Fat. This time, however, Nina Li not only lives, she has a topless scene and a much better hairdo.

Green Snake Eyes
Maggie Cheung and Joey Wang play snakes trying to achieve human form. Nicholas Cage is the former Buddhist monk-turned-security chief who thinks they are part of a government coverup.

Needing you... Sucka!
An affectionate, if somewhat bewildering, sendup of both blaxploitation and teary HK romantic dramas, starring Andy Lau, Keenan Ivory Wayans and Sammi Cheng.

Fist of Legend of Billie Jean
Jet Li kills bottle-blonde Christian Slater, hooks up with Helen Slater, and teams up with Peter Coyote to bust more heads.

Aces Go Places in the Heart
Banned in the USA, this is a wacky, kooky comedy set on a southern sharecropping farm. The centerpiece bumbling rape scene is a jaw-dropper. Stars Frankie Chan and Sally Field.

Henry, Portrait of a Nymph
Joey Wang is a ghost who lives in a painting, falls in love with a young scholar, and kills random strangers in the forest.

Sympathy for Mr. Die Hard with a Vengeance
Man, that Bruce Willis dude sure can hold a grudge. Brutal, too.

Crazy Love in the Afternoon
Loletta Lee skips school and falls for millionaire playboy Gary Cooper. He can't be bothered to notice her, so she shows her breasts to many other people, then devises a scheme to finally attract his interest.

Your Place or Enemy Mine?
Tony Leung is a playboy magazine editor, trying to mend his ways for a new woman in his life, but an alien presence (Louis Gossett, Jr.) keeps attracting his eye and attempting to kill him.

NightSilverHawks
Rutger Hauer is a terrorist. Bewhiskered Sly Stallone is a cop. And Michelle Yeoh is the Panda-saving superheroine who brings them together.

Not One Less Than Zero
The moving story of a 14 year old girl forced to watch over a room full of disaffected yuppie twentysomethings who are strung out on coke.

How about a slightly different take - make a pun out of a movie title and give it a plot... for instance
Torah! Torah! Torah!
Intrepid rabbinical aviators launch a surprise attack on the American fleet anchored at Boca Raton.

Apocalypse Now, Voyager

Sorry, this one's already taken.

This is like eating potato chips -- you can't stop.

The Woman in Red Dawn
A man chases a woman he is sure was a bit actress who got gunned down in the mass execution scene where the political prisoners sang "America the Beautiful."

It's a Wonderful Lifeforce
George Bailey fights to save his dad's building and loan, which is threatened by a spaceship full of vampires that are sucking the life out of London.

As Good as it Gettysburg
An obsessive-compulsive novelist writes about life, love, and Pickett's Charge

Gone in 60 Seconds over Tokyo
Nicholas Cage has to boost 50 vintage World War II bombers to save his kid brother.

Eight Crazy Nights of the Living Dead
A Jewish family trapped indoors by hordes of zombies pass the time with a dreidel and chocolate coins.

Ran Lola Ran

A German teen robs her father's bank in order to finance a Japanese version of Shakespeare's King Lear.

Das Booty Call

this IS like eating potato chips!

Red Dawn of the Dead
Communist Zombies invade American soil and the only ones who can save us are a group of high school students led by Patrick Swayze.

Old School of Rock
After successfully starting a fraternity for outcasts, Will Farrell and Vince Vaughn join Jack Black as high school music teachers. Hilarity ensues.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High Infidelity
After saving Brooke Shields from drowining and blowing the reward money by having Van Halen play his birthday party, Jeff Spicoli settles down into a job in an all-vinyl record shop run by a quirky, neurotic loser.

Return of the Jed-I-Robot
Saving the universe from his evil father and his cruel master was just the beginning. Now Luke Skywalker must save us from robots bent on destroying mankind. Luke must also learn to make bad music and speak in cliches.

American History X Men
Jail taught Derek Vineyard that his hatred of blacks and Mexicans was misplaced. The true enemy of the white man are mutants.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back to School
Spending their days wasted in front of a convenience store pales in comparison to the adventures they’ll have as Jay and Bob join the university diving team in an effort to win the heart of a beautiful girl.

Groundhog Day of the Dead
Bill Murray stars in this nightmare film about a man who spends his days being chased by brain eating zombies -- only once they catch him and eat his brains, he finds himself right back where he started the day before.

Hard Days Night Shift
John, Paul, George, and Ringo take jobs at the morgue but soon find that pimping is a much more lucrative business.

Rambo: First Blood Part Two Thousand One: A Space Odyssey
The jungles of Vietnam are nothing compared to the horrors John Rambo will face in the silent solitude of outer space. Only his thoughts and the annoying voice of a diabolical computer can quell his fears.

The Quiet Manchurian Candidate
Unbeknownst to him, John Wayne’s trip to Ireland was really part of a government experiment in mind control. When he returns to America, he has an uncontrollable urge to kill anyone who drinks Guinness.

Road House Party
After the “cleaner” Patrick Swayze runs a corrupt businessman out of a hick town, Kid N Play show up with a bunch of their ghetto friends. Swayze harkens back to the good old days when the place was full of rednecks.

What About Bob Roberts
A multi-phobic politician with a giant chip on his shoulder takes a vacation from his problems by intruding on the vacation plans of his psychiatrist.

Raging Bull Durham
After Nuke LaLoosh finds big league in professional baseball, perennial underdog Crash Davis finds himself in an alcoholic spiral downward that thankfully allows him to finally beat the crap out of his sanctimonious girlfriend Annie Savoy.

Strange Brewster’s Millions
Good day, eh. When Bob and Doug inherit $30 million Canadian dollars they think they’re in heaven. What they don’t know is that they must spend the $30 million in 30 days in order to get the real prize: $300 million worth of beer and donuts.

This doesn’t fit the criteria but everyone else is doing it:
Not Another Teen Wolf Movie
A collection of 80s film cliches superimposed onto another 80s film cliche.

Complete pandering:
Jay Tea with Mussolini
A Cow Hampshire blogger finds himself trapped in a nightmarish world of full pretentious elitist women, in a film with a plot that goes nowhere.

that one should be:

Raging Bull Durham
After Nuke LaLoosh finds big league success in professional baseball, perennial underdog Crash Davis finds himself in an alcoholic spiral downward that thankfully allows him to finally beat the crap out of his sanctimonious girlfriend Annie Savoy.

The Last Waltz Of The Mohicans

A white man adopted by Indians tries to do a guest appearance with The Band, but his guitar strap falls off.

My top 10:

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, Myself, and Irene

The International Man of Mystery explores his bi-side with a split personality cop…and the cop’s girlfriend.

What’s Eating Gilbert Grapes of Wrath

A poor family moves to California in search of a better life, but their truck breaks down under the weight of the obese mother.

Always Remember I Love You Alice B. Toklas

An aging hippy couple suffer memory loss from eating too many brownies.

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World According to Garp

Women fall for a sensitive author as he races around California searching for a big “W”.

Team America: World Police Academy

Hilarity ensues as bumbling rookie puppets learn to save the world from evil.

The Day the Earth Stood Still Smokin

Two aliens emerge from a space ship in DC, bringing the message that all people must toke together, or Earth will be destroyed.

Run Silent, Run Deep Throat

Lonely submariners discover new ways to pass their time at sea.

Of Mice and Men at Work

This time, there are two idiots.

Plan 9 From Outer Space Jam

Super intelligent aliens attempt to take over Earth, only to be thwarted by the phenomenal basket ball moves of Michael Jordan. Can you prove it didn’t happen?

Better Off Dead Poets Society

After the hasty firing of John Keating, Lane Myer takes over and teaches the students that being a good skiier gets you more chicks than being a lame-ass poet. A sweet Camaro doesn't hurt either.

Oops, I guess that should have been my top nine. I forgot one. How’s about I round it out with:

Duck Souper Fly

Rufus T Superfly tries to save the bankrupt country of Freedonia by pulling off one final, 30 key coke deal before he retires to the Catskills.