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Weekend Caption Contest™

Posted by Kevin

Published: August 13, 2004 - 4:39 PM

It's Friday, that means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Some pictures are a blank canvas upon which you can work your masterpiece caption - this is one of those...

scholierenkerrywife.jpg


Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.

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Comments (46)

"If you're happy and you kn... (Below threshold)

1. Posted by Joel (No Pundit Intended) | August 13, 2004 4:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Joel (No Pundit Intended):

"If you're happy and you know it...."

1. Posted by Joel (No Pundit Intended) | August 13, 2004 4:59 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 16:59

"Why Is This Gander Giving ... (Below threshold)

2. Posted by SDH | August 13, 2004 5:01 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
SDH:

"Why Is This Gander Giving It To The Goose?"

2. Posted by SDH | August 13, 2004 5:01 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 17:01

It's not as wooden as the "... (Below threshold)

3. Posted by Shawn Levasseur | August 13, 2004 5:11 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Shawn Levasseur:

It's not as wooden as the "Al Gore" dummy, but you can still see Theresa's lips moving.

3. Posted by Shawn Levasseur | August 13, 2004 5:11 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 17:11

"Pull my aaaacccccckkkkk... (Below threshold)

4. Posted by McGehee | August 13, 2004 5:18 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
McGehee:

"Pull my aaaacccccckkkkk!!!"

4. Posted by McGehee | August 13, 2004 5:18 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 17:18

News Alert: John Kerry has... (Below threshold)

5. Posted by -S- | August 13, 2004 5:20 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
-S-:

News Alert: John Kerry has been diagnosed with an unusually large growth of unknown origin on his back and doctors are working studiously to try to devise a means by which the growth can be more closely studied without exposing themselves to the potentially contagious cellular spikes protruding from the growth itself.

5. Posted by -S- | August 13, 2004 5:20 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 17:20

On our trip into Cambodia m... (Below threshold)

6. Posted by spacemonkey | August 13, 2004 5:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
spacemonkey:

On our trip into Cambodia my CIA friend also gave me this lucky backpack.

6. Posted by spacemonkey | August 13, 2004 5:25 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 17:25

"Well Marlon, what we are s... (Below threshold)

7. Posted by the_redfalcon | August 13, 2004 5:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
the_redfalcon:

"Well Marlon, what we are seeing here is the Alpha Female demonstrating her dominance by humping the submissive, French-looking, Male.

The Male gives a simian gesture of mock-approval, knowing that as long as the Alpha Female is happy, the Male will be well provided for."

7. Posted by the_redfalcon | August 13, 2004 5:27 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 17:27

Infectious Grooves - Feed t... (Below threshold)

8. Posted by Aaron's Rantblog | August 13, 2004 5:28 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Aaron's Rantblog:

Infectious Grooves - Feed the Monkey

She likes to feed the monkey
She likes to feed the monkey
She likes to feed the monkey
She likes the monkey
Well gather 'round and let me tell you all a story
About a boy and his monkey
He's got that kind of monkey that the girls wanna know
He likes to take his monkey every place that he goes
(Can we pet your monkey?)
Hey, ho, you see the monkey?
Did you know you made my monkey hungry?
I didn't really know how it get so hungry
I'd like to know
Would you feed the monkey?
Well you can pet my monkey
'Cause my monkey don't bite
But when you pet my monkey
He get funky all night
My monkey ain't no ordinary orangutang
'Cause my monkey likes to do the wild thing
My monkey don't scratch
My monkey don't bite
My monkey don't swing no tree
My monkey don't hit
My monkey don't drool
My monkey be swing with me
My monkey don't freak
My monkey don't trip
My monkey don't wear no cape
But you can tell what my monkey wanna eat
'Cause it turn into a big ol' ape
Yeah...
Hey..
The monkey's getting hungry
Hey, hey, why don't you feed your monkey?
(REPEAT x 3)
What she want?
She wants the monkey
(REPEAT x 3)
You know she want
You know she want
You know she wants the monkey
(REPEAT x 3)
Hey, hey, she likes to feed the monkey
Ooh, she's sayin' it's time to feed the monkey
Everyday she wants to feed the monkey
All through the day she likes to feed the monkey
She likes to feed the monkey
(REPEAT x 7)
Feed the monkey
(REPEAT x 19)
She likes to feed the monkey!

8. Posted by Aaron's Rantblog | August 13, 2004 5:28 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 17:28

Its just amazing how Teresa... (Below threshold)

9. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 13, 2004 5:37 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rodney Dill:

Its just amazing how Teresa's lips never move.

9. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 13, 2004 5:37 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 17:37

Oops, take that back on a c... (Below threshold)

10. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 13, 2004 5:39 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rodney Dill:

Oops, take that back on a closer read Shawn beat me to the "dummy" theme.

10. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 13, 2004 5:39 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 17:39

Welcome everyone to The Jer... (Below threshold)

11. Posted by Frank Martin | August 13, 2004 5:39 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Frank Martin:

Welcome everyone to The Jerry Mahoney Show!

I'm Paul Winchell and This is my friend "Knucklehead Smith". Ok Knucklehead, how bout a glass of water while I sing the "star spangled banner"

ok here goes.

ghrrgrugrurggugluglgl.....

( are we still on? Artie? did that go out to the affiliates?)


11. Posted by Frank Martin | August 13, 2004 5:39 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 17:39

John, do as I say, not as I... (Below threshold)

12. Posted by Tom | August 13, 2004 5:56 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Tom:

John, do as I say, not as I do. You'll pick up more votes if you turn to the right.

12. Posted by Tom | August 13, 2004 5:56 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 17:56

Behind every good man, ther... (Below threshold)

13. Posted by mojo | August 13, 2004 6:03 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
mojo:

Behind every good man, there's a billionaire heiress...

13. Posted by mojo | August 13, 2004 6:03 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 18:03

I've never been on this sid... (Below threshold)

14. Posted by jcrue | August 13, 2004 6:16 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
jcrue:

I've never been on this side of a massage. . .

14. Posted by jcrue | August 13, 2004 6:16 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 18:16

Escusez, monsieur...Does yo... (Below threshold)

15. Posted by Cowboy Blob | August 13, 2004 6:17 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Cowboy Blob:

Escusez, monsieur...Does your minkey bite?

15. Posted by Cowboy Blob | August 13, 2004 6:17 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 18:17

Democratic nominee for pres... (Below threshold)

16. Posted by Jack | August 13, 2004 7:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jack:

Democratic nominee for president Kerry hoping for a "happy ending"

16. Posted by Jack | August 13, 2004 7:25 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 19:25

Theresa tells John her stoc... (Below threshold)

17. Posted by Stephen Macklin | August 13, 2004 7:36 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Stephen Macklin:

Theresa tells John her stock portfolio has gone up another $12 million.

17. Posted by Stephen Macklin | August 13, 2004 7:36 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 19:36

In her first public appeara... (Below threshold)

18. Posted by Alex | August 13, 2004 7:41 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Alex:

In her first public appearance as a televangelist, Teresa Heinz-Kerry lays her hands on her husband, hoping to drive out his desires for John Edwards. She was overheard saying things like "Satan can shove it!" and "Give money to my husband's campaign so we can see the light!"

18. Posted by Alex | August 13, 2004 7:41 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 19:41

I've got a Monkey On My Bac... (Below threshold)

19. Posted by Nor | August 13, 2004 8:06 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Nor:

I've got a Monkey On My Back - and It's buying!

19. Posted by Nor | August 13, 2004 8:06 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 20:06

IF YOUR HAPPY AND YOU KNOW ... (Below threshold)

20. Posted by bob | August 13, 2004 8:11 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
bob:

IF YOUR HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS

20. Posted by bob | August 13, 2004 8:11 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 20:11

[thought bubble]: "God I wi... (Below threshold)

21. Posted by Professor Chaos | August 13, 2004 10:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Professor Chaos:

[thought bubble]: "God I wish this bitch would get her meat hooks off me."

21. Posted by Professor Chaos | August 13, 2004 10:27 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 22:27

There is one thing I dont u... (Below threshold)

22. Posted by David Anderson | August 13, 2004 11:53 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
David Anderson:

There is one thing I dont understand about Mrs. Kerry, why the hell the media keeps calling her sexy. She is about as sexy as Golda Mier (Probably mispelled her name).

22. Posted by David Anderson | August 13, 2004 11:53 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 13, 2004 23:53

"... so I put on my strap-o... (Below threshold)

23. Posted by Kathleen | August 14, 2004 12:18 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Kathleen:

"... so I put on my strap-on, and then I shove it just like this..."

23. Posted by Kathleen | August 14, 2004 12:18 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 14, 2004 00:18

The monkey on my back is a ... (Below threshold)

24. Posted by Laurence Simon | August 14, 2004 8:26 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Laurence Simon:

The monkey on my back is a rich white woman. Sometimes, I wish it was booze or drugs.

24. Posted by Laurence Simon | August 14, 2004 8:26 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 14, 2004 08:26

"John, when we get home ton... (Below threshold)

25. Posted by McGehee | August 14, 2004 9:11 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
McGehee:

"John, when we get home tonight, will you wear your bunny suit for me?"

"Gladly, Teresa my dear. And will you wear your Prussian officer's uniform?"

"Not a chance."

25. Posted by McGehee | August 14, 2004 9:11 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 14, 2004 09:11

"Clap on... Clap off... ... (Below threshold)

26. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 14, 2004 9:40 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rodney Dill:

"Clap on... Clap off... see dear, I told you even that bitch Hillary would have to obey you after the convention."

26. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 14, 2004 9:40 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 14, 2004 09:40

The couples Simon Says</... (Below threshold)

27. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 14, 2004 9:46 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rodney Dill:

The couples Simon Says game was an immense success, right up to the point where John Edwards said, "OK, Simon Says, WEDGIE!!

27. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 14, 2004 9:46 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 14, 2004 09:46

"Dahling...I'm frightened o... (Below threshold)

28. Posted by Timmer | August 14, 2004 10:14 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Timmer:

"Dahling...I'm frightened of all these commoners, give Momsie a ride on your shoulders."

28. Posted by Timmer | August 14, 2004 10:14 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 14, 2004 10:14

"Clap John, ... Clap your a... (Below threshold)

29. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 14, 2004 10:31 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rodney Dill:

"Clap John, ... Clap your ass off... We may yet need Tinkerbell to secure the San Francisco vote. Damn that Schwarzenegger."

29. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 14, 2004 10:31 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 14, 2004 10:31

"Whaddya mean there's no ba... (Below threshold)

30. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 14, 2004 10:33 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rodney Dill:

"Whaddya mean there's no balloons this time!!!"

30. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 14, 2004 10:33 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 14, 2004 10:33

(In consideration of the re... (Below threshold)

31. Posted by -S- | August 14, 2004 10:50 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
-S-:

(In consideration of the recent Nevada, Yucca Mountain news as to Kerry's voting record in the Senate, I offer this incredibly Bad Taste caption):


"SCREW KERRY"

31. Posted by -S- | August 14, 2004 10:50 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 14, 2004 10:50

As with any drug, there are... (Below threshold)

32. Posted by Nordicgirl | August 14, 2004 12:32 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Nordicgirl:

As with any drug, there are possible side effects to Botox. The most common side effects include:

• Memory loss
• Limp wrists
• Over-sensitivity
• Weakness
• Develop the ability to hurl obscenities
in several languages

32. Posted by Nordicgirl | August 14, 2004 12:32 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 14, 2004 12:32

Off Camera: "Ok John... (Below threshold)

33. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 14, 2004 2:10 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rodney Dill:

Off Camera: "Ok John, now open your eyes, and we'll ask the woman that has had so much impact on your life to step out from behind you."
John: (clapping) "Great, I didn't even realize that Kirstie Alley was here."

33. Posted by Rodney Dill | August 14, 2004 2:10 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 14, 2004 14:10

The red stripes taste like ... (Below threshold)

34. Posted by Laurence Simon | August 15, 2004 2:55 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Laurence Simon:

The red stripes taste like ketchup.

34. Posted by Laurence Simon | August 15, 2004 2:55 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 14:55

Pudding! Pudding!... (Below threshold)

35. Posted by Jim | August 15, 2004 5:14 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jim:

Pudding! Pudding!

35. Posted by Jim | August 15, 2004 5:14 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 17:14

uhn...ehm...GLAVIN!!!</i... (Below threshold)

36. Posted by me | August 15, 2004 6:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
me:

uhn...ehm...GLAVIN!!!

36. Posted by me | August 15, 2004 6:59 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 18:59

Uhn...ehm...GLAVIN!!!</i... (Below threshold)

37. Posted by me | August 15, 2004 7:00 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
me:

Uhn...ehm...GLAVIN!!!

37. Posted by me | August 15, 2004 7:00 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 19:00

Oops, nevermind the double-... (Below threshold)

38. Posted by me | August 15, 2004 7:02 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
me:

Oops, nevermind the double-post there, my net seems to be experiencing retardation.

38. Posted by me | August 15, 2004 7:02 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 19:02

"Keep hanging on, honey. Af... (Below threshold)

39. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:26 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jay Tea:

"Keep hanging on, honey. After I lose in November, maybe Lorne Michaels will cast us in the 'Ambiguously Gay Duo' movie."

J.

39. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:26 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 20:26

"Protect me, John! The peas... (Below threshold)

40. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jay Tea:

"Protect me, John! The peasants are revolting!"

"Yes, they are, but we still need their votes."

J.

40. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:27 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 20:27

"John, I still can't see ov... (Below threshold)

41. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:28 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jay Tea:

"John, I still can't see over your shoulder."

"Then stand on another briefcase of your first husband's money."

J.

41. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:28 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 20:28

Teresa, why are you wearing... (Below threshold)

42. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:30 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jay Tea:

Teresa, why are you wearing the green and I'm in pink? Green would've gone much better with my pants."

"Just shut up and keep clapping for that high school band. They each have two voting parents here."

J.

42. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:30 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 20:30

"Thank you, Springfield Hig... (Below threshold)

43. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:32 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jay Tea:

"Thank you, Springfield High School, for that stirring rendition of 'Stars And Stripes Forever.' That reminds me of the two weeks I spent at Band Camp just outside Danang, over in Vietnam..."

(whispered) "John, I forgot the flute."

J.

43. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:32 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 20:32

"Let's give it up for Dr. O... (Below threshold)

44. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:39 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jay Tea:

"Let's give it up for Dr. Orin Scrivello, the inventor of the Botox treatment!"

J.

44. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:39 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 20:39

"John, please stand up. The... (Below threshold)

45. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:45 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jay Tea:

"John, please stand up. The doctor said I needed to give him a 'stool sample,' and you're sitting on the only one around."

"Teresa, I don't think that's quite what the doctor is expecting."

J.

45. Posted by Jay Tea | August 15, 2004 8:45 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 20:45

The American Dream: ... (Below threshold)

46. Posted by TexasRainmaker | August 15, 2004 11:01 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
TexasRainmaker:

The American Dream: When every African-American can grow up to have a life-sized, white guy puppet.

46. Posted by TexasRainmaker | August 15, 2004 11:01 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 23:01




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